Wednesday, June 12, 2013
I'm sitting here eating pizza. I know I shouldn't be. Its after midnight Tuesday night heading into Wed and I've already had all my calories...and more. I'm still dealing with emotions from the crap that has been going on in my life. The day was going well until I got to work. A number of situations arose that brought back to mind the turmoil. I thought I had dealt with it- I thought that I was at peace, but tonight was rough.
There was one thing that was absolutely wonderful. I saw a co worker of mine that I hadn't seen since December or so. She's moving out of state. We talked for a long time and she shared some things with me. G-d has been leading me more and more to be open with my faith and be genuine. I asked if I could pray with her and she was ecstatic. I love it when G-d works like that.
Yet, when I walked out to the car the enemy attacked me mentally. I didn't cry- I really think that I have spent all of the tears that I am going to spend on this particular person- my so called "best friend" who turned out to be a bonafide jerk- but scenarios kept playing in my head of "what if this" and "what if that". I hadn't been doing too bad before I prayed over my co worker- little things would crop up, but really I was in a jovial mood. Isn't that how it is? You do something good for the Kingdom of G-d and the enemy decides to tempt you with thoughts of "I'm not good enough", worry, fear, doubt. Except, we don't have to listen to the enemy. Why did I listen this time?
On top of that, I have a list a mile long of things that I need to do. My husband and I are house sitting for friends and they come back tomorrow- well today really if you want to be technical. I have been trying to make their home coming special and have everything neat, tidy, and organized. They just moved into this house not long ago. prior to living here my friend had a prayer closet. She hadn't gotten around to setting up the current closet. She is pregnant in her first trimester and has been having a lot of morning sickness. So, I set out to set up a prayer closet for her while they were gone. I still have a ton of things that I need and want to do for them. Plus, I have to take the car in to get the oil changed cuz my husband has to drive 3 hours to pick them up from the airport.
Finally, on the drive home, as I pull into my home town (I live several cities away from where I work) I start to feel better. I pull into 7-11 to get gas and purchase a phone card to top off minutes on my cell. I planned to grab a calorie free drink too. Low and behold that 7-11 didn't have the phone card that I needed. That was the straw that broke the camels back. I set my heart on a donut. One of those bavarian cream ones with the chocolate on top. They were out. Even more pissed I settled on m&m's. They were on sale, so I got two. Every intention of course of saving the 2nd for another day. Pfft. You can guess how that went.
So here I am, 3 slices of pizza (2 digorno spicy chicken supreme and 1 tombstone with turkey pepperoni added) and 2 bags of m&m's (not king size thankfully) over my calorie budget. I was 100 calories under before that. Darn.
Here's my question for all my sparkies. How do you deal with stress? How do you stop yourself from binging to make the hurt go away. (I know, I know, it doesn't work. Stuffing myself doesn't help the hurt) How do you walk away from the donut or the pizza or the m&m's?
On a good note, once I got home I made me and my wonderful husband each a juice for tomorrow. I also had pre tracked a few things for breakfast, so I already know what to pick out. I also exercised today- 20 min of dance off the inches salsa dvd. Oh and prior to that I stretched. I'm supposed to do the 2nd set of my 999 routine tomorrow (today...I keep forgetting its already Wednesday!) but I don't know if I'll have time. I did just pray that G-d would give me Shalom (peace- but not just any peace- Shalom means Complete Peace) and take all the worries and cares from me. Shoulda done that before I was tempted to eat a bunch of junk.