Sometimes you think you've got an old habit licked, only to have it sneak up on you & nip at your heels, or if you're really "lucky" take a chunk out of you.
Today I got nipped. Or rather, I slipped. When my food troubles started, I was probably about 10 or so. My mom never really taught me what eating healthy was, she just said, "no" . So I would get up in the middle of the night, sneak downstairs, and help myself to whatever sweet we had that I wanted. Amazingly, I only got caught once, but my mom failed to recognize it for what it was - a burgeoning problem with unhealthy eating.
This lead to a habit of "sneaking" food. I would hide away what I ate that wasn't a regular meal. A snack here, a candy bar there. As though if noone saw me eat it, it didn't count, the calories didn't count. This habit has continued into adulthood.
I thought after all this time on Spark, I had this habit licked. I made sure to eat in front of people, or if I didn't, I made sure it was simply because someone wasn't around. I wasn't hiding anymore, because I realized that even if someone in my life didn't see what I ate, my body still had gotten the calories. This was a big realization for me.
Today tho, it snuck up on me. I had some ice cream. When I went to put the bowls away, I decided I wanted another spoonful. Ok, fine. However, I caught myself hoping that no one would "catch" me having it. I hadn't thought like that that in a long time, and I redirected my thoughts as soon as I caught it. But I'm unhappy that it happened at all; I thought I was past that.
Guess I have to still be more vigilant.