Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Disclaimer: If you don't want to hear wining, don't ready any further.
Have you seen the commercial (I think it's for a credit card?) where a girl gets a parking ticket, so she goes to the gym and beats the cr@p out of a punching bag (and honestly kicks some serious butt doing it)?
Well, that is EXACTLY what I feel like I need to do today. That, or climb to the top of my building and just scream as loud as I can. Either one would honestly do just fine.
Have you ever had one of those days? You wake up after a night of uuber crummy sleep, totally drained of all your energy, and completely void of the will to do anything? To top it all off your in a moody funk, and all of your problems seem HUGE, overwhelming, and just down right ANNOYING!? Okay well, if you don't know what that feels like you're one LUCKY person, but that's me today in a nutshell. And because I have neither a punching bag OR the power to get on top of my building; spewing a (hopefully therapeutic) blog will simply have to suffice.
I feel like the only way to 'release the demons' is to "talk" it out. So truly, I apologize in advance for the piss-poor attitude of this blog. I don't like being a Debbie-downer, but I can't quite put my finger on one specific thing that's making me so uneasy, and honestly down right fowl... Well I can actually put my finger on A LOT of things, and I think that's actually the problem. I know some of them aren't justified. But I just feel like it's all piling on and I'm overwhelmed. So maybe I just need to get it out, like popping a zit.
Problem #1: "I SLEPT LIKE POOH LAST NIGHT" (an understatement!)
Literally slept in 10-15 minute intervals. I had terrible TERRIBLE dreams about people dying, friends turning into dolls, failing tests, failing at life, having amnesia, you name it. If it's bizarre or about Biology it kept me up ALL. NIGHT. LONG. Which I think is quite certainly the main factor contributing to my foul mood today... I realize that.... but it doesn't make me feel any less irritated.
Problem #2: THE JOB!
I honestly can't stand my job!!! Not so much my job, but more specifically my boss. She is so hot and cold it's a nightmare. You never know what's going to set her off next, or if today you're going to be her best friend or arch nemesis for no good reason. Literally she has not said but three words to me today they were "here. you. go." Not kidding. She probably walks by me about 74 times a day too. I really want to get out of this place and find a different job, but going to school I can't really afford to... With hubby taking his EMT job (and pay cut) we need every penny now more than ever. I'd love nothing more than to find a job at least in the medical field, but without experience I wouldn't make what I do now.. Unless I can go be an office manager somewhere, even then that's a long shot. I'm secretly hoping the opportunity will arise for me to work at the Corneal Specialist I was moon lighting for... But that's more of a pipe dream..... Dreaming, BLEH. Sour taste in my mouth right now with THAT subject!
Problem #3 TEACHERS!
I went into my BIO class yesterday feeling totally confident about our exam.... I dedicated at least 12 hours of my weekend reviewing our lecture notes, and taking HIS practice tests (acing them too btw)... Only to find NONE of the material on the practice tests was actually on the test, and in fact, a lot of the test was material we never even discussed in lectures (Oh, "but there was one small sentence somewhere in the book").... It's been a while since I've been in school, but IS THIS NORMAL?!?! I got a 76% on the test, and honestly, it ruined my night!! Obviously it spilled into today too! I was SO FRUSTRATED!! I wasn't alone, but still.... After all that hard work I put into studying, to get a C??? Seriously.. WHAT. THE...... ??? And how do I fix it for next time? Read ALL the chapters over and over? Ain't nobody got TIME for that! I sure don't! What is the point of the practice tests anyways!?!?
Problem 4: PAINS IN MY.....
I also woke up today to notice the tell-tale-AWFUL pain in my right lower abdomen.. No doubt the return of yet another ovarian cyst. LUCKY ME! My poor hubby was trying to be supportive by encouraging me to call into work, but that only made me more mad. My boss already thinks me going to school automatically makes me a lazy liability at work (regardless of the fact I kick @ss daily and my work hasn't suffered one bit). I can only imagine what she'd say/do if I called in sick (even though it's my right). I have a ton of work to do and she's made it abundantly clear I am in no way allowed to ask my co-workers for help. Awesome huh?
In a perfect world I would be able to sleep like a baby, feel refreshed in the morning, not let my bosses rudeness bother me, I'd feel comfortable actually saying "I need to go home" without feeling guilty (because I'm afraid she'll use it against me), the pesky cyst would POP already, and I'd be able to know what to study on my tests so I can be successful. Sadly, it's not a perfect world, therefore I have to find other means to cope. I the most obvious answer is I have a choice: I can wine about it, accept it, or change it... Trouble is which one? That, or I need to go find a punching bag. I think honestly that's the best of all the options! Maybe I can go tonight at midnight after I finish studying? Perpetual. Vicious. Cycle. Continues.