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    MSJESSPDX   3,588
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It's been too long when you forget your password!

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

So, it's been about a month since I've logged on here. I don't have any overwhelming feelings of shame or embarrassment, but neither do I feel ambivalent, and certainly not defiant, like this doesn't matter or anything. I'm not sure what I feel, exactly, so I'm going to use this post to summarize what's been going on, with my weight and my life, and see if I can sort some things out.

(By the way, there's a plumber here right now, doing en epic sink snaking--very loud, to say the least. Man, how backed up was it, anyway??)

First: news on the fitness front is bad. I've gained since I was on here last, only proving, oh, I dunno, EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF RESEARCH EVER about the importance of maintaining supports when trying to lose weight! (Sorry for shouting, but my numbskullery here amazes even me. Duh.) I've eaten crap, have been drinking probably 4-6 drinks/week, and have been keeping weird sleep patterns. I only have my own accountability to look to, and see the choices I made. I won't beat myself up, but I need to own this.

(Should I be worried about how much water the plumber is running? Gracious.)

Second: family stuff is hard. The short version (and the only version I'm comfortable sharing right now) is that my mom received a serious, life-altering health diagnosis two weeks ago, and she is choosing to not address it. Not with her family, not with her doctor, nobody. She is very scared, I know this much, and she has a history of some mental health issues (not so much that any of us would have medical power of attorney, however), and this is a very hard, delicate process. I don't know what's going to happen, or even really what's going on. This is terrifying, especially for my sister and me.

Third: volunteering has been wonderful! I've done several fence builds now, in an effort to unchain dogs, and was recently approached by some leaders within the organization about becoming a Client Outreach coordinator--one of the volunteers who makes the contact with the families/property owners about building a fence, coordinates build day, and works with the families on any follow up (training, fence repair, spaying/neutering resources, etc.). It's very flattering to have been asked to do this, and I'm giving it serious consideration. It would be a huge time commitment, but this organization has been a huge source of joy and satisfaction for me.

(The plumber's done! All told, $135 for two unclogged drains and a clear utility sink is worth it at this point. Seriously--I was getting tired of dumping chemicals and trying to use the too-short snake I borrowed from a friend.)

Okay, that's it for my summarizing/processing for now. I know there's more, but I'm trying to get my bearings on this journey, and really asses what I'm ready to commit to right now. If I plunge in full-tilt boogie and do a wholesale addressing of my health needs, will I respect that? Or will I flake and vanish for another month? I think I need to track down that SP Quiz, "Are You Ready to Lose Weight?" I've taken it before, but it might be a useful thing to revisit!

I hope people here are well--I'll try and check in and visit my SparkFriend pages in the next couple of days, and see what you all have been up to!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CBAILEYC 6/12/2013 10:15AM

    I myself have been rather quiet here as well. It's good to read how you're doing. I'm sorry about the family stuff and hope for the best for you on that front.

What a great opportunity with FFF!

Hopefully we'll organize another outing soon and we can catch up at some point.
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C~

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AKATHLEEN54 6/11/2013 9:36PM

    First of all, I'm very glad your back. I keep seeing your pic on my spark friends page and was always wondering how you are. You have so much going on. I know with most family comes first and I get the impression that you are no exception. You need to be there for you Mom to help her work through this issue no matter what her final decision. That being said, you are equally as important, but I don't think jumping in full tilt right now would work for you. Perhaps if you just try to ease back in by making small changes. Change one thing about the way you eat, or be sure to drink a lot of water, or just cut down on the number of drinks per week. Baby steps is best when you are stressed... you certainly don't want to add to that.
I admire you for your volunteer work. I think I have told you my puppy is a pit mix and he LOVES TO RUN!! What you are doing for these dogs is amazing. Certainly if it brings you joy and satisfaction, don't give that up, and I imagine being a coordinator would be very rewarding. You need to do the things that are important to you and eventually the rest will follow. But please stay with us. We are here to help and encourage no matter now long it takes. The rewards are so worth it and YOU are certainly worth it!! emoticon emoticon

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