Tuesday, June 11, 2013
So, it's been about a month since I've logged on here. I don't have any overwhelming feelings of shame or embarrassment, but neither do I feel ambivalent, and certainly not defiant, like this doesn't matter or anything. I'm not sure what I feel, exactly, so I'm going to use this post to summarize what's been going on, with my weight and my life, and see if I can sort some things out.
(By the way, there's a plumber here right now, doing en epic sink snaking--very loud, to say the least. Man, how backed up was it, anyway??)
First: news on the fitness front is bad. I've gained since I was on here last, only proving, oh, I dunno, EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF RESEARCH EVER about the importance of maintaining supports when trying to lose weight! (Sorry for shouting, but my numbskullery here amazes even me. Duh.) I've eaten crap, have been drinking probably 4-6 drinks/week, and have been keeping weird sleep patterns. I only have my own accountability to look to, and see the choices I made. I won't beat myself up, but I need to own this.
(Should I be worried about how much water the plumber is running? Gracious.)
Second: family stuff is hard. The short version (and the only version I'm comfortable sharing right now) is that my mom received a serious, life-altering health diagnosis two weeks ago, and she is choosing to not address it. Not with her family, not with her doctor, nobody. She is very scared, I know this much, and she has a history of some mental health issues (not so much that any of us would have medical power of attorney, however), and this is a very hard, delicate process. I don't know what's going to happen, or even really what's going on. This is terrifying, especially for my sister and me.
Third: volunteering has been wonderful! I've done several fence builds now, in an effort to unchain dogs, and was recently approached by some leaders within the organization about becoming a Client Outreach coordinator--one of the volunteers who makes the contact with the families/property owners about building a fence, coordinates build day, and works with the families on any follow up (training, fence repair, spaying/neutering resources, etc.). It's very flattering to have been asked to do this, and I'm giving it serious consideration. It would be a huge time commitment, but this organization has been a huge source of joy and satisfaction for me.
(The plumber's done! All told, $135 for two unclogged drains and a clear utility sink is worth it at this point. Seriously--I was getting tired of dumping chemicals and trying to use the too-short snake I borrowed from a friend.)
Okay, that's it for my summarizing/processing for now. I know there's more, but I'm trying to get my bearings on this journey, and really asses what I'm ready to commit to right now. If I plunge in full-tilt boogie and do a wholesale addressing of my health needs, will I respect that? Or will I flake and vanish for another month? I think I need to track down that SP Quiz, "Are You Ready to Lose Weight?" I've taken it before, but it might be a useful thing to revisit!
I hope people here are well--I'll try and check in and visit my SparkFriend pages in the next couple of days, and see what you all have been up to!