Update from Monday

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

I've included my Life Group from church on this journey, forwarded them the emails and my replies, etc. They and I go to the same church as my hostess goes to.

At last night's life group meeting we went around in a circle asking for updates as many of us have issues in our lives. When it got to me I said I had a bunch of negative stuff that had happened and to share, but I am cutting the negativity out of my life from now on, and I didn't want to take over the meeting with all my negative crap. So I gave them the highlights, and then said I wasn't going to talk about it anymore. They asked who got the email when I gave the goober guy his walking papers; they think the whole thing was handled wrong which I agree is an understatement, and they think I should have included one of the pastors in the church on the email so the pastor would be in the loop of how wrongly this was handled, as my email points out. Or, that I should send it to a pastor now.

I am mulling that over. I sense a ring of truth in their words; a sense of rightness. On the other hand I am not sure I want to keep stirring the pot. Would Jesus tell me to forward that email to a pastor? I am asking the Holy Spirit and I am mulling it over. What is the most loving thing to do? Love is always tough and never hides, like Jesus was tough and never hid from issues; and when there are abuses in the church going on they need to be addressed. After I move out I might forward it, which is kind of wimpy. Right now I want closure and to move on, even if I'm being chicken and hiding. Sometimes the most loving thing you can do, is tough love. Many times people keep still and say nothing, citing 1Cor 13, instead of standing up to evil, which is just plain wrong. Dysfunctional Christian love and border trampling, is what I call it. Pantywaist Christianity. There is a balance in everything, but Jesus was NEVER a wimp.

I might have a meeting with my hostess before I leave, and follow the Matthew prescription for problem resolution. Then if she doesn't acknowledge her part in my hurt, betrayal, and abuse, then go the next step in Matthew prescription; at that point forwarding the email and asking my pastor for his help.

Today, right now, I am not sure I have the energy or spirit for that. And I definitely don't have the time this week, re job hunting and working at the piddly pay job. But we are not home at the same time until the weekend, anyway. I could do it then, and, in fact that would be my only opportunity. Which gives me some time.

I might ask for pastoral advice on how to proceed this Sunday at church, ask them if I should do the Matthew thing with her.

When I told my life group last night that she'd never asked and never wanted weekly reports of my job hunting or anything resembling "accountability", that she really just wants me to move out and all she had to ask me to do was leave in that case, problem solved; several members of my life group spoke up in unison and said the same thing, which had fleetingly crossed my mind previously but I'd never said outloud. They did. They said it for me.

They said, "Yes but if she had ASKED you to leave, then she would have had to have told her life group and friends that she asked you to leave." BULLSEYE! You don't know what a comfort it was to hear those words. They get it. Without any leading from me, they made a very insightful comment, which means they see the situation for what it is.

Doing the Matthew thing with her, even if I WANT to be a wimp and hide, is growing on me with a sense of rightness. Nothing in this situation has been handled correctly; so perhaps that means I need to standup and lead by example of how to handle it correctly. If they can't do the right thing, that doesn't mean that I can't or shouldn't. She is a PK so she would immediately know what I was doing (even though I'd tell her and read the scripture), and we would immediately be starting out on common ground.

I would LIKE to ask for a little CHAT with her, when / if I do it, ha ha. It is tempting to be that petty (see previous blog), but (sigh) I wouldn't really.

Jesus said:
Matthew 18:5 NLT Step 1
If another believer sins against you, go privately and point out the offense. If the other person listens and confesses it, you have won that person back.

Matthew 18:6 NLT Step 2
But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.'

Matthew 18:7 NLT Step 3
If the person still refuses to listen, take your case to the church. Then if he or she won't accept the church's decision, treat that person as a pagan or a corrupt tax collector.

Last night at Life Group I heard of a temp agency that is hiring so I'm going there today before on the way to the piddly pay job. The car is already loaded with boxes, so tonight I will drive to the neighboring town after work, unload, and then come back to my room.

I am already signed up with this agency and passed their background check so I am little frosted they never called me. Typical unprofessional temp agency, and why I hate temp agencies. If it's a paycheck while I continue looking for a job however, and a step up from my piddly pay job, then that's exactly what I'm looking for and I am going there today.
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    all the best
    1713 days ago
    You didn't ask for advice. Know that I read, and my heart hurt, and I prayed for you. I don't want to give unwanted advice. I have opinions, but I don't want to influence what you do. I pray God will grant you his wisdom as you determine next steps. Show her how a Christian is meant to live - be above board in all you do. You will be able to walk with your head held high and your heart light because you followed Christ.
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    1713 days ago
    I agree with Amber as well. Step One is done. Move forward. I've been praying that you would find a way to move past the negativity (I've been working through this myself with the bullying stuff.) and will pray for you to find peace. I believe you should follow the biblical way to try and resolve the relationship just so you know you've done what you should even though nothing will probably change.

    Glad you are going to the temp agency. I always head there when I'm needing work and usually solid jobs came out of them.
    1713 days ago
    I agree with Amber that you do need to consider the "chat" as step one and when you talk with her do bring witnesses.
    1713 days ago
    Personally, I consider the last 'chat' you had with her to have been step one in Mathew, and that you are taking too big a risk to ever have another chat with her alone. I think you should definitely have another person with you at any subsequent talks with her, even at the point you tell her you are leaving etc. From this point on I think you should always have another person present whenever you speak with her about anything (if it is at all possible).

    She has already proven herself unreasoning, mean, and manipulative. She has shown you who she is. Maya Angelou said, "The first time someone shows you who they are, believe them." And personally, I think since she has shown you who she is, you need to protect yourself from her. Even emotional harm is harm.

    When you feel safe to do so I would send the emails to the pastor. Just don't get your hopes up at what he will do to handle it. I have found pastors seriously lacking in how they manage situations like this; often times even siding with the abuser, cause after all abusers ARE intimidating - even to pastors. So, just do what you feel is right, and what you feel you can safely emotionally handle. And then let it go knowing you did the right thing.

    1713 days ago
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