Tuesday, June 11, 2013
I have been over weight since I was about 8 years old. It's something I've always struggled with! The bigger I got the more I hated myself! I was very depressed and suicidel! Many times I thought about killing myself and almost went through with it a couple of times! The only thing kept me from doing it my fear and the fact that I didn't want to hurt my loved ones! I kept lot inside and as an adult it has become to much and my find tends to come out as anger ;( I am trying to deal with this anger problem of mine as I hate yelling and being mean it's just not me and my family are the ones who end up hurt. Anyway at the age of 14 I was diagnosed with a brain tumor which was located on my pituitary gland. At that time I was 4 feet 5 inches and hadn't grown at all in over 4 years!! I was 100 pounds which for a 14year old girl that is fairly average, but because I had not grew and was only 4 foot 5 I looked like a butter ball! I had surgery and thought finally I'm gonna be my right height and not be so fat ..... Not! I went in the hospital at 100 pounds drop down to 90 within the first week and was 160 when I got out the hospital! I couldn't believe it! I was bigger than I had ever been! I found I was gaining weight because of a medication I was on. It is basically a fat building steroid! It drops my metabolism down, increases my appetite, and makes it impossible to ever feel full no matter how much I eat! Of course once I found this out I immediately started throwing the pills in the garbage every time I was supposed to be taking them! I started losing weight very quickly, and my appetite decreased so I was eating like I was before surgery. However, my appetite and thirst continued decreasing until I was forcing myself to eat enough to survive! I was literally eating like a spoonful of jello, a piece of orange, and a few sips of water just to get through the day! some days food disgusted me so much I couldn't stand to see or smell it let a lone eat it! I was so weak I had have help with everything. It would take me 30 minutes or more to crawl up the stairs! I eventually went to the hospital and got back on the medicine and an IV as I was dehydrated. You would think after all of that I'd learn my lesson....nope! I did this 2 more times not realizing not taking the medicine was what was causing this to happen. It would take 3 months to a year after stopping the medicine for me to get sick, and the hospital never told me! The last time not only did I almost die I developed an infection which destroyed my nerves. I was in so much pain, I was almost completely numb from head to toe, and I couldn't walk or stand! The doctors called it Chinese paralysis! I had to undergo treatment and then I did physical therapy to learn how to walk again!! Lets just say lesson learned lol! So now that I am walking and the pain is much better I want to make a lifestyle change! A diet is great but If you don't make a true lifestyle change you'll just end up going back to your old ways and gain the weight right back!
I will slowly change my eating habits!I will start by taking away aI am craving chocolate or something sweet I will eat Kellogg's Fiber bars which are healthy and very delicious! I will also be drinking one glass of water and oneglass of grapefruit juice before every meal to fill me up faster! I will also be trying some different thins and I will let you what is, how I like it, and if it works!
Please feel free to leave me a comment or ask a question! If you would like to no more about my brain tumor and the affects it has had on my life please comment below, and if enough people are interested I'll write a blog entry on it!