Tuesday, June 11, 2013
When I was 13 or so I would watch my sister spend hours in front of the mirror. I was so envious of her skinnier body- her perfect hair.. her confidence..She was the beautiful one (everyone said so) I was the sister that would be prettier if she just lost a little weight. I learned then to avoid my reflection.
ADD 14 years and 120 pounds. I am now 27 and 285 pounds.. I have clearly always had weight problems as a child.
In the end I did this to myself, I let myself get here. I may have a hypothyroid and PCOS. Emotional eating problems..a hard childhood..(biological mom passing away... and other traumas children should not have to deal with) In the end those are ALL excuses as to why I have let myself get here. I know I have to exercise I know I should eat better.. I just can't seem to make myself do it..
I started exercise and dieting a few years ago went from 270 to 255 and hit my first plateau... AND I quit... My fear of failing made me do just that..
so here I am again but this time I am implementing lifestyle changes not only for me but for my husband too! This time he and I are doing this together.. Who better to do it with?
My aversion to mirrors? Strong as ever. I look through them.. I don't see me.. I barely see anything when looking at them.. I however know that i am a beautiful young woman.. and NOT ONLY if I lost some weight. I am beautiful inside and out... I am just not happy with my body.
here is to accomplishing goals (which i will blog about later)