been a month and 6 days since ive been here..
only thing i can say to you all, is the truth.. i havent 100% fell off the wagon, but been eating things i shouldnt and not walking as much as i was and not recording my food intake.. i have been walking "some", and not totally eating badly, but a lot of it was not healthy..
and honestly, i got tired of logging in to record my every meal, even though i should have kept at it.. and i knew better than to just think i could handle it on my own.. silly me
once i got tired of recording, i quickly lost interest in logging into SP.. knowing full well i was most likely going to get off track.. but ohhh the food was delightful tasting.. so satisfying.. but only for a short time, then i was back to the pattern of guilt and feeling like crap for eating something i shouldnt have, and for quitting SP..
so round and round we went, my food addiction and i.. it rose up from the darkness and knocked me down before i knew what was happening.. just waiting for me to get a weak moment and it struck with a vengeance.. it has kept me prisoner for the past 36 days..
for a few days now ive been wanting to log in and write a blog.. then, my addiction would talk me out of it.. but tonight, i didnt let it win.. i dreadfully came to the computer and logged in.. the whole time it was doing everything it could to get me to not do it.. to go eat something instead, that it would make me feel better than writing this blog.. i fought back and told it to take the next train back to hell..
so, im here.. ashamed, sad, and angry at myself.. but at the same time, im so very happy i won tonights battle.. one day at a time i suppose..
is there anyone out there that has experienced this on your weight loss journey? if so, how did you get past it? i will be going back to recording my food intake starting with my next meal.. i now know that part is crucial to my success.. no matter how tired i am, no matter how bad i dont want to log on, i will do it anyway.. i know when i do, i will feel so much better to be back on track and getting healthy! no more laziness for me.. i have to learn to take the hard stuff as well as the sweet stuff.. i have to work hard at this to get to the sweet victories that i have had during this journey..
ive had a set back.. im still ok.. i was able to break loose from the darkness.. i could have done a lot worse and even gave up like ive done 100 times before.. but not this time.. ive came wayyy tooo farrr (minus almost 100 lbs) to quit or sabotage another moment that is keeping me from my new life! thank you, SP friends, for checking in on me while i was gone off acting like a fool *laughs*
woohoo! im back! xoxo
much love and hugs to all~
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