Monday, June 10, 2013
It's been a tough week or two for me. I'm working hard on getting out of this depression that I have kinda slipped into. So much going on that I am having hard processing it all.
Went to Justin's funeral on Saturday and it was really overwhelming. I didn't make it to his wake, although everyone said it didn't even look like him. Made it through the service without fully breaking down and when they were leaving the room with the box of ashes I lost it. Luckily my husband was there and was supportive as always. But I can't explain how awkward I felt crying on my husbands shoulder about an ex. He was more than just an ex though. I've known him since Kindergarten.. He just turned 27 in April.. and now he's gone.
After that, I headed to another friend's wedding reception because we missed the ceremony due to the funeral service starting a half hour before the wedding. We ate good foods, danced, and took pictures in the photo booth. I drank some (almost too much) but it was a good night.. and I barely ever drink so it was kinda nice to just let things go. Justin was brought up a bunch in the night and me and my friend just broke down and cried together and discussed the past. Definitely an emotionally draining night.
Weighed in today and I am up 2 pounds.. Putting me at 179.8. Depressing.. but I am not letting it get me down. I am back on track. I've been slipping for a couple weeks now and I have decided it is time to buckle down and get back into the groove of things. No more snacking just because or eating things I don't really need. I want to be healthy and it isn't going to happen if I keep slipping into my old habits. Luckily, I didn't go quite to the extremes of my old habits.. but obviously enough to gain 2 pounds. I just know I can't let myself gain the weight back.. I worked too hard to get this far to have to start over.