Monday, June 10, 2013
Spring and Summer give people - particularly us with "a few pounds to lose" - a LOT of anxiety. It's much easier to disguise unsightly rolls of fat under mountainous, shapeless sweaters than white t-shirts and shorts. And then if you want to wear a swimsuit, God help you.
When I lived in Hawaii, I was a teenager, and while I did have SOME anxiety about the swimsuit season, I could find something to fit in and wasn't so heavy that it was uncomfortable. But when I moved and I gained weight, things changed drastically. I didn't even bother to try on a swimsuit - I knew that nothing I found would look OK. I haven't worn a swimsuit in probably 10+ years!
But this year, I thought I'd give it a shot and buy my first adult swimsuit. I headed to Kohl's and picked out a few tankinis. Even when I was at my lowest weight (about 180 pounds), I would never have even DREAMED of a tankini/bikini. And while I still have belly flab, I thought it would be nice to try them on and see where I was.
I have tried on a lot of clothes in my day, but never have I been so nervous and anxious when trying on clothes! I'm not sure what it was - no, the tankinis didn't end up looking good on me (though they did NOT look as terrible as they might have last year!), but it wasn't that that made me so anxious. I think it was just that it had been so long, and there is so much drama involved in swimsuit shopping that I just overloaded.
I didn't end up buying a swimsuit that day, but that doesn't mean I've called it quits on swimsuit season. I think I just need to do some more research on what would be good with my body type and ease into the Swimsuit Dressing Room Drama.
Fact is while I may not have bought a swimsuit that day, I DID try one on, something I haven't even bothered to do (knowing I was overweight and wouldn't look good in one) in years. This is a big step - and if I can find a good swimsuit I like, maybe I'll have to take up swimming!