Monday, June 10, 2013
I generally feel uncomfortable sharing my feelings. I am a pretty guarded person with a tendency to pretend all of my feelings donít exist. I am certain that is one of the reasons that I put on all the weight that I did. I really believe that beginning to blog and becoming an active member of the Spark community will help me learn to better express and deal with my feelings and encourage me not to turn to food. This year has been pretty tough on me and I could really use both an outlet and some positive energy in my life.
I am making a valiant effort not to let this year kick my butt, but sometimes I just want to curl in a ball and cry. Occasionally, I find myself completely overwhelmed with a combination of grief over the death of my friend and self-pity. When I let myself get into that headspace it can be hard to break out of it, making even minor setbacks appear insurmountable. In this negative headspace it just feels like one bad thing happens after another: my best friendís death, months of unexplained stomach issues (gluten intolerance), reoccurring sciatic nerve pain, and the struggles of trying to switch careers.
For the most part, I think I do a fair job of holding myself together because I understand how unhelpful self-pity is and I certainly do not want to feel like the victim of my life. I know that it is during the times when I am feeling low I most need to stay strong and focus on all the positive things in my life, but the truth is being strong is hard and losing a friend sucks.
Is it okay to be a mess sometimes?