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    SHELLYMOPTOP101   731
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Is it okay to be a mess sometimes?

Monday, June 10, 2013

I generally feel uncomfortable sharing my feelings. I am a pretty guarded person with a tendency to pretend all of my feelings donít exist. I am certain that is one of the reasons that I put on all the weight that I did. I really believe that beginning to blog and becoming an active member of the Spark community will help me learn to better express and deal with my feelings and encourage me not to turn to food. This year has been pretty tough on me and I could really use both an outlet and some positive energy in my life.

I am making a valiant effort not to let this year kick my butt, but sometimes I just want to curl in a ball and cry. Occasionally, I find myself completely overwhelmed with a combination of grief over the death of my friend and self-pity. When I let myself get into that headspace it can be hard to break out of it, making even minor setbacks appear insurmountable. In this negative headspace it just feels like one bad thing happens after another: my best friendís death, months of unexplained stomach issues (gluten intolerance), reoccurring sciatic nerve pain, and the struggles of trying to switch careers.

For the most part, I think I do a fair job of holding myself together because I understand how unhelpful self-pity is and I certainly do not want to feel like the victim of my life. I know that it is during the times when I am feeling low I most need to stay strong and focus on all the positive things in my life, but the truth is being strong is hard and losing a friend sucks.

Is it okay to be a mess sometimes?
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

REGI2013 6/12/2013 1:35PM

    It is most definitely ok to be a mess sometimes, especially with the kind of year you have had. While it is good you are trying to remain positive, please don't discount or bottle up your feelings. That can often have an adverse affect and make the situation even worse in the long run. Give yourself permission to grieve over your friend. Take the time to heal. It is very good you are talking about it... I know they have support groups for all kinds of different situations and conditions our many members have here at spark people. Perhaps you will be able to find one where you will gain the support and outlet you need to help you deal with the feelings and just plain sucky days that follow a loss such as you have experienced.

Hang in there... continue to blog and sparkpeople will be here to support you along your journey.

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PIZZAHOLIC33 6/10/2013 4:58PM

    Just a quick comment -- don't be so hard on yourself. Allowing yourself to occasionally indulge in your grief or even sadness for the challenges you've had to overcome isn't "self pity". If we were talking all-day, every-day pity, or allowing these things to be excuses for why you're not taking care of yourself, then I think it would be cause for concern. But what you're going through is totally normal. I had cancer last year (at age 27) and certainly had my share of "woe is me" days and still do. But, the fact that we're both on SparkPeople and making good choices shows that we're not letting this adversity overrun our lives.

Stay strong! emoticon

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ERICADURR 6/10/2013 3:29PM

    God yes! Allow yourself a chance to compose yourself, then get back in the groove. If this has been a problem for you for a year, you also might want to speak with your doctor about possible depression. There is NOTHING wrong with feelings or with feeling down and being a mess sometimes, but you also should know you DON'T have to do it alone. :)

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EMILY0724 6/10/2013 3:28PM

    I'm so sorry for your loss and your health problems. Any one of your issues would be hard to handle, but you have been drowning! I've been in the dark place where you are. The thing that helped me the most though it all was therapy and medications. I suggest that you look into it!

To answer your question--YES, it's ok to be a mess sometimes!! When you are ready to crawl out of this storm, begin by setting very small goals for yourself. Success breeds success. I wish you the best and I'm sending you a hug!!
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JUST_BRENDA 6/10/2013 3:26PM

    Everyone is a mess sometimes - the challenge is not to stay in that state!
You've certainly had some very challenging events in your life, and of course, you're not always going to be functioning at your highest levels. Physical pain, emotional pain, will always take a toll on us, but they will also make us stronger.
Welcome!

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TRENTDREAMER 6/10/2013 3:25PM

    " I really believe that beginning to blog and becoming an active member of the Spark community will help me learn to better express and deal with my feelings and encourage me not to turn to food."
* It can. Healthy Sparkteams can also be helpful if you're not already part of one.


"I am making a valiant effort not to let this year kick my butt, but sometimes I just want to curl in a ball and cry."
* Totally know the feeling


"Occasionally, I find myself completely overwhelmed with a combination of grief over the death of my friend and self-pity."
* Condolences to you on that.


" I know that it is during the times when I am feeling low I most need to stay strong and focus on all the positive things in my life, but the truth is being strong is hard and losing a friend sucks. "
* Amen. To me, balance is being able to feel the pain, grieve the loss and make it through the disappointments without letting it overtake/overwhelm me.

Again, condolences on your friend.



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