Saturday was my Sabbath. I had a good Sunday, cleaned and packed my room and folded laundry and changed the bed linens. But I made a mistake. I should have stayed gone all day. I had a good Sunday up til the time my hostess asked (demanded) that I have a "chat", her word, by the end of the day with her. We did not have a chat; she ranted and got alot of totally psycho stuff off her chest.
Once again, I didn't know what this meeting was going to be about tho I had my suspicions. However I decided not to prejudge; who knows if it might be a good meeting not bad?, and who knows if something good might come out of it.
I had already decided how I would handle this. If she expressed true sorrow and regret that I had been abused and betrayed (which would require her admitting she did something wrong), and if her apology was sincere, I would talk to her and really engage with her.
And if not, then I was keeping my mouth shut, because she has broken my trust, proved herself to be a betrayer and backstabber, and therefore anything I said could be used and twisted against me, which I already had first hand experience with previously from this situation with the goober guy I met with. And I was not going to allow it twice.
I loaded my car with boxes before the meeting, making numerous trips to my car. I am packing to leave and wanted her to see it without saying anything.
Not only did she not apologize or care about my hurt and anger, she said she is REQUIRING me (repeated multiple times with emphasis, almost shouted the word at me) to meet with someone else, from the church, or an accountability partner, etc. I just listened and said nothing, unless she asked a direct question.
I do think she wanted to have an argument with me though. She kept going on and on and prodding me verbally. I just kept direct eye contact with her and kept my mouth shut. Must have been frustrating for her.
I previously had two abusive meetings with the guy I'd never met before from church, which she sicked on me through the church because I've stayed here too long. She could have asked me to leave, or asked me to give her a weekly report of everywhere I've job hunted (if that's really her concern, re, accountability), but no she didn't do that, NEVER asked for that. If someone is REALLY job hunting, you can't hide that; there are unmistakable, unfake-able signs that I continuously display. So it's not REALLY about accountability; it's about me staying here too long, and it's about her control and manipulation attempts over me coming to naught.
A friend of mine wrote this:
"Positive "help" would have been to hook you up with some kind of employment that pays more than minimum, to help you survive (and move out) while you're looking for the kind of job you want."
"Positive "action" would have been to discuss the situation with you first before going to others."
Yep: EXACTLY. She may not be able to hook me up with a job, but she definitely should said something to me first before a guy I've never met before contacting me out of the blue.
My independence / strength somehow threatens her. She said multiple times, I know at least 3 times, "You CAN'T do this alone!!". Just psycho. No one can do the job hunting for me. I have always lived alone. I previously asked the other ladies in my Life Group who are unemployed if they wanted to be accountability partners, and none of them did. I already have two accountability partners if you want to look at it that way, with two personal friends, both out of state, I tell them everything I did each week about job hunting.
When I said it's really about about her control and manipulation attempts over me getting nowhere, examples are she'd corner me in my room, entreat me to have family dinners (sounds nice doesn't it), but then grill me during the meal, etc. I just started saying no thank you, or, staying gone when she was here. I should have stayed gone last night; my mistake!
As I said, she could have asked me to leave. That's all she had to do. But no, she wants to create drama and (at least in her mind) put me under her thumb by forcing me into meetings with strangers through the church, i.e. counseling, the goober guy called it mentoring, she called it accountability to my face, and called it "counseling that I needed" behind my back.
At the end of the 2nd meeting with the goober guy, he said he'd "taken me as far as he could go", which is a joke as he'd done absolutely nothing for me other than harm; and said we wouldn't be meeting anymore. I was relieved, because it was on the tip of my tongue to tell him off, and put him in his place; but since we weren't meeting anymore I didn't have to say anything unkind, words that I might regret later.
Then last Tuesday he emailed again about more meetings, and that's when I "replied to all" on the email and let him have it. I used specific examples, was fact based with no emotion, except for one paragraph about how I felt and the detrimental (read: abusive) impact on me, and that NO, we would NOT be meeting, EVER AGAIN (see weed whacking blog).
So yesterday when my hostess unloaded on me, reading between the lines I guess she was incensed that I had folded her sicko house of cards; and is demanding, REQUIRING, that I build another one to meet her control needs of me and manipulation needs of me. To make her feel as if she's in control of the situation.
This is all so psycho, it's really truly hard for me to believe it's happening. How people can think it's okay to betray and abuse and manipulate others, and that they have a right to do so because they are providing a home for them?, is beyond me.
I wonder if this is the horror foster kids and homeless people and other rejected people of society, "the least of these", and abused kids, routinely feel and are routinely subjected to. All this time, and I never knew it. I mean, I might have supposed it mentally; but I never felt it and although I felt sorry for them, I truly never cared. And realize: they get worse than this. Plus they are not a strong, adult woman with semi-good boundaries. They are defenseless.
If none of this is making sense to you and you don't quite understand the whole picture, you're not alone! I'm living through it in person and I DON'T GET IT. I hate to say this, but I think there is really something wrong with her. It is NOT normal. No, you are NOT missing part of the picture . . . this IS the picture . . .
And she is definitely not a safe person.
She is unsafe, a betraying backstabber. Words came out the goober guy's mouth within 10 minutes of meeting me for the first time, a stranger, that I recognize as being hers; he couldn't have known because we just met. I suffered verbal and psychological abuse with the goober guy because of her, which she is unrepentant about.
As I said, all she had to do was ask me to leave, or ask for weekly reports if she REALLY cared about accountability; whatever. No that's not enough because I'm not getting a job.
I am working on trying to get my car legally tagged for NC, as the MD tag expired in Nov. I'll work on that this week and continue to avoid her. I will definitely NOT be here tonight nor this weekend. I will be at the piddly pay job Tue - Fri nights, and if I'm not because they cancel a shift on me due to slow business like they did last week, then I'll definitely stay away as if I'm at work even though I'm not, on those nights.
It's noon already. I only got 3 hours of sleep due to the turmoil. I am soooo tired. I would definitely sleep better in my car than this! Since it's noon I'll do some cooking and salad making for the week, while they are gone and I can use the kitchen; I'll put the salad in ziploc bags in an ice chest in my car, and go waste money on buying ice so they can't gripe that I put the bags in their fridge; and then I'm getting a local auto insurance quote, and then I'll go to life group without coming home first. I'll just stay gone, until life group is over and until they're in bed.
And I will never, never, never, never, never, never, never, never, NEVER "stay with someone for free", ever again.