Monday, June 10, 2013
Well, it's been a while since I've been active on here. Of course, I know that nothing changes when I'm not committed to myself, but still, I find every excuse under the sun. I'm going to try to be more active. And I'm going to try and care more about myself.
I've found myself in and out of a pretty nasty depression over the last several months. Even on the anti-depressant, I'm still not mentally where I need to be. So, I'm going to try going back to the gym. If I can just get there, I know it will make me feel better. But I just need to get there. It sucks having to wait until my little one is in bed (8pm), but it it's going to help my mood, then so be it.
Life feels like it is all falling apart. My marriage is on the rocks (go figure), we are completely broke, and I'm supposed to be starting law school in August. My daughter's father and I are on opposite pages about where she will be going to school and he is looking to alter the custody agreement. So, needless to say, things are pretty stressful. I've been using a lot of unhealthy ways to cope with all of the stress. Those unhealthy things are, ultimately, just making me feel worse. So, I'm going to try something healthy, just to see if it makes a difference.
I'm only committing to tonight. I'm not going to even pretend that I might go again this week. I just want to make it for one night. Then, I'll decide on another day and just commit to that day. One thing that I've realized lately is that I always overwhelm myself, so I'm trying not to do that.
This isn't even about losing the weight so much. This is more about gaining some control over my life where I can, especially when there is so much that I can't control. This is about finding a way to clear my head so I can focus and not be ruled by my emotions. These are things that I need in my life right now.
So, here's to tonight and just clearing my mind.