Monday, June 10, 2013
Having a diet buddy works. Until that buddy falls off the deep end. I'm not just talking about falling off the weight loss wagon. What do you do when your "best friend" turns out to be a complete and total jerk? Well, you cry a lot and then you pick yourself up, brush off the dirt, and move forward.
I had a friend like that- a guy that I called my best friend. I thought I knew him. I thought he was perfect. Turns out he was a two faced liar. I'm all about restoration, but this- there is no repairing that can possibly happen. Friend turned into genuine enemy. Who I thought he was and who he actually was were like the difference between night and day. The last three weeks have been pure hell. Never before I have I felt so betrayed, so hurt. Yet, somehow, G-d is so big that I am able to still love him and pray for him. Forgiveness is really good. There's no use holding onto hurt and bitterness. I've cried a lot of tears. I think that today was the first day that I didn't cry. I feel like I've been grieving a death. In a way, I guess I am. I am grieving the death of who I saw him to be, of who I thought he was. A part of me thinks that he- the man I thought I knew- is still in there deep inside. So, I still pray towards that end. G-d is the G-d of second chances right? Third, fourth, and more! I however, had to move on from our friendship. That was really hard, but I know that I made the right decision.
I had been tracking calories on another website with this friend of mine. That had went really, really well. He motivated me and I am now down to a size 16. I guess I could have just deleted him as a friend and continued but for several reasons I decided that it was time to come back to SP. I like SP better anyhow. I am determined to not let this set back get the best of me. I thought about how much he helped me and worried that I couldn't do it without him. Then I realized that yeah, he pushed me to keep tracking, but it was me that ate healthy foods, me that was exercising, me that was losing all that weight. My successes. My victories. Not his. Looking back now, I did it all on my own anyhow. One of the last conversations we'd had before he turned into the back stabbing jerk that he really is (well turns out that he was back then I just didn't know it) he snidely told me that it was a good thing that I had gotten myself on track cuz he was done pushing me (he used to text me if I forgot to track).
So here I am, back on SP. Got to get on the scale and get an accurate number of where I am. Pretty sure I gained a little in the past couple of weeks. I've been eating a lot of comfort food, not been exercising. I have everything planned out for day one of back on track. Have a workout planned too. I'm not going to let all my hard work slip away from me. I've cried all my tears, I've drowned all my sorrows and now its time to get my life back. I will not wallow in self pity.