Sunday, June 09, 2013
My mother was a wonderful person with well intentions, just let me put that out there to start with . She was an amazing person loved by everyone and most of all by me. I know she only wanted the best for me. However my teenage years with puberty in full action and the weight coming on it was the source of much contention between us. Now she had her favorite motivators:
You would be so pretty if you would just loose 25 pounds.
If you loose 25 pounds your eyes will stand out even more.
Oh if you would loose weight you could wear your hair any way you want.
and then the one I spent years with. She said this one all the time.
If you would loose the weight I will buy you a pair of Gloria Vanderbelt Jeans. Now back in the day those jeans were not in sizes above like 10 I dont really know the size where they stopped except to say they didnt come in my size. Those jeans were my wishing stones to her approval. I wanted them jean not so much for me but for her so in her eyes I would be normal I would be that pretty little girl that she always wanted instead of the one that she got. Now years passed by and I know that when she past away in 2001 she was very proud of me and for all intent and purposes I was exactly what she wanted. But you never forget the things that make you feel like you were less. So there is always that one thing that will make you feel like you accomplished something.
Yesterday I went to a real department store and did some shopping. All my clothes are 24 and above and well my shorts look like skirts when i wear them. So I went to find a couple of outfits for a trip we are taking at the end of the month. So I am looking and looking. I find two pairs of shorts that are size 20 and then two tops that are size 18 to 20 and then it catches my eye. The GV could it really be Gloria. I look at them pants and stand there the one thing I have never put on this body a pair of Gloria Vanderbilts should I ? What will it do if i try and they dont fit ? How far am I really wanting to fall if that pair of size 20 GV dont fit ? Oh well it is just a pair of pants right ? i throw them across my arms and I am off to the dressing rooms. I get in the dressing room and literally cant breath I am so taken with that pair GV pants. Scared to death that I will fall short of the measuring stick that I have been chasing 40 years now. Finally the moment of truth I can do this I have done so much I will not be discouraged by a pair of freaky pants . So I face my fears and I slide them on then I button them then i zip them ... the I say Oh Gloria you were so not worth all this fear you are just fabric honey but now You fit me ... i just dont want you any more ... Now honestly the pants fit and fit well but i really am not looking in spending a lot of money on clothes right now as I am still loosing weight so there is a limit and if i had bought them I would have taken them hand hung them over my mom's grave for her because she always wanted them more than me . But it is one heck of a NSV for me personally . But when I get to my own goal weight You never know I might just by a pair in the right size lol .