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I don't want to admit this but...

Saturday, June 08, 2013

...I ended up bingeing. But it was way later than the first urge I wrote about. Argh!!! I'm really proud of myself for using all my skills and successfully getting past the first urge with the help of my friend, but later when I came home after studying I wasn't able to identify the urge fast enough or I just wasn't being mindful and before I knew it I was bingeing.

I have a feeling it was because I was getting upset and sad over not being able to run. This morning I didn't feel well so I didn't run. Part of me thought it was ok anyway, because I knew my hip/knee would hurt, so in not running I avoided the fact that there is something still wrong with my leg being thrown in my face. Another part of me just started to get really sad because I miss it. I miss the long adventures, I miss the fun of races. A really big race that several of my friends are in is going on this weekend and I totally got sucked in reading all their posts and seeing photos of the event going on...It was during that time that I started eating (I wasn't even hungry, just emotional eating that I didn't notice) and that turned into a binge. Sigh.

Well, ok, as I told another Spark Friend, I have to now move on and do the next right thing.

Staying Positive

+ Even though I had an instance where messed up today, I also had an instance where I succeeded. I managed to notice that first urge, used my skills, and definitely managed to overcome the urge without using behaviors.

+ I did get some studying done at the tea shop (if I had given in to my earlier urge, I probably would not have gotten anything done), and got to catch up with my friend a bit.

+ I went to yoga this morning. Actually it was right after I decided not to run at 5am that I started feeling sad and kind of vulnerable. I went to yoga to counter that and it did help.

+ My new "toy" arrived - an Omron body composition scale. I do kind of love data. Never mind that my weight fluctuated from a high of 133 to a low of 126 in one day, haha! It's still fun to play with! I have no idea how accurate it is (I know things like how hydrated you are can make a big difference), but as long as I see a general downward trend in body fat I would be happy.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's great that you have identified the problem and have moved on! You might consider making a bit of a game plan in the event you find yourself again triggered by not running. Maybe there is some other exercise you can use as a substitute in the future? emoticon
    1111 days ago
    It is well with you. Keep strong.
    1111 days ago
    Accountability is key and it's what you do next that determines your level of success. I'd say that you're faring pretty well!

    1111 days ago
    just be mindful that you aren't giving the scale too much power or basing your self worth on that.

    btw....DELAYING symptom use IS an accomplishment!!! that's a huge step and I love your attitude of not beating yourself up over it. it's in the past and you can't undo it so have to learn from it and move on.

    hope today is successful!
    1111 days ago
  • v SHELLB7
    That's right! Move on and stay positive!!
    1111 days ago
  • v STEVEN2GO2
    Enjoy your new toy, wait I see you are already having fun with it! Well a day of ups and downs. I do not know what I would do if I could not do my favorite go to exercise, walking, either. At least you managed to hold off as long as possible, it was just when alone and disappointed that you caved. Try and take this as a small learning experience for when the blues hit. At least you got some exercise in, some school work in and some time with a good friend. I would give today a thumbs up! Nobody is 100% perfect! How many days now till your sister's graduation?
    1111 days ago
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