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Anxiety, 15 Pounds and The Gym {{sigh}}

Saturday, June 08, 2013

Well Crap ! My depression and anxiety issues seem to have made an appearance. I had every intention of getting myself back to the gym this morning ... but I'm still at home.

I'm scared to go and workout. I'm too inside my own head. I have negative thoughts and feelings about my body and I am projecting those onto everyone else at the gm. I look at myself and see the 15 pounds I've gained. I look at myself and see the fat bulging out the side of my bra (which is too small b/c I gained 15 pounds). I look at myself and see the muffin top that spills out over the top of my shorts. I look at myself and see the loss of muscle tone and definition I used to have before the injury (and the 15 frigging pounds).

Intellectually I know people at the gym are not seeing or thinking those negative things about me, but that doesn't seem to matter.

OK - here's the plan. I have an appointment with a new trainer on Monday in the very small private PT gym where I have been doing my M.A.T. therapy. I will hang tight until Monday. Working with a trainer will get me to the gym and help me feel comfortable there. Then, once I have my feet wet I will try again to go solo. My confidence will return - it's just on a little hiatus right now.

OK - Vent over. I feel better, less neurotic, if still too anxious to go to the gym. At least I'm not crying anymore. Hey - one step at a time - Right ?

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TUFFYBIRD 6/19/2013 6:40PM

    I know I'm very late in commenting on this - but C you are/were not being neurotic. What you are feeling is real and those of us who know, recognize those feelings well.

I hope your PT appointment went well and that you're settling into the new gym.

Hang in there kid, you can do this!

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LILYPAD12311 6/16/2013 3:04PM

    Hang in there sweetie,,,, I have moments where I feel that way,,,, and I am a much larger woman than you,,,, imagine if you were my size! Nevertheless,,, I am proud of you that you took the bull by the horns and make a decision to have a trainer ease you back into an area where you were a bit reluctant to go....... emoticon

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CELLO23 6/9/2013 5:18PM

    Oh, Surly - didn't realise you were having such a hard time with your feelings after the injury. Good to do something really fun with friends who don't judge you! You'll get back to where you want to be, but the main thing is to love yourself while you're doing it! Not conditional on weight or abs! You rock just as you are! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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    Don't beat yourself up over the weight gain...You can, and you will get back to where you were. Things feel hard right now, and I get it, I'm giving advice not worry about it and I'd probably be in my head too. But you know, at the end of the day we've got to somehow listen to the voice of reason and take action.

I suffer with depression and anxiety occasionally myself, and I for me exercising really does help alleviate some of the symptoms. I think once you get out Monday and work with the trainer that's really going to help.

You have a plan! You're not crying! You're going to do AWESOME!

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MILLER-S 6/8/2013 7:12PM

    Hang in there! You've got a plan in place for Monday and you're not crying - that sounds like good progress to me!!! emoticon

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FLASUN 6/8/2013 6:14PM

    emoticon Carolanne!!!! I read your post on "What Motivated You today".........
YOUR desire to NOT allow your Anxiety Issues take over you was emoticon !!!!!!!
So Happy you made it to the gym & wishing you the emoticon on your Monday training with your PT coach!!!! emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/8/2013 6:15:12 PM

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CYCLINGSANDY 6/8/2013 2:39PM

    It 's not about others, but it is about you. You are important! I cannot imagine the anxiety you are having right now, but I am hopeful you'll work through it soon. One day at a time! emoticon

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NEW-CAZ 6/8/2013 10:44AM

    emoticon emoticon

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ROOTIHAUSMAN 6/8/2013 10:35AM

    You have a plan and that is a step in the right direction! Take a walk or hang out with some friends to help with the anxiety. You can do it! emoticon

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SHERIO5 6/8/2013 10:32AM

    Good for you making a plan, I agree with the last poster, you are doing something now, which is awesome! emoticon

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LOLOMIZZEL 6/8/2013 9:57AM

  I think you're choosing to deal w/ the 15# before it's 20, 30 or more! Today, Sat. and tomorrow, warm up stretch, work on some of those "work out fears" at home. It will set your head in motion and you won't be surprised on Monday. Stop beating up on yourself, you made an appointment! Next step... Keep it :) You will not see results if you do nothing, I'm saying that to the 3 fingers pointing at myself, identifying the downward spiral. I can't wait to hear the "I did it from you." emoticon

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