Saturday, June 08, 2013
This week has been a good one. I feel very focused, driven and motivated. I have been extremely motivated and have been able to get up and get my workouts in first thing in the morning (5 am is a pain in the a$$ sometimes, but I looooooove it!!). I am pushing forward with the Flylady and it is helping me recapture some of my lost sanity. Life is a mess of stress for me most of the time. Demands are high on me always and I don't see that going away anytime soon. I figure I have 2 choices: I can whine, cry and complain *or* I can muster every ounce of my strength, realize it isn't going away, accept it and do the best I can do.
I am leaning toward option 2. Although, option 1 is appealing some days.
This has been a rough last few weeks for me watching my grandma deteriorate right before me. The kids have been insanely busy -- just non-stop. I just feel insurmountable amounts of stress at times. When I get that way, I start to feel uncomfortable and unsure about myself. I start questioning everything I do, how I do it and why. It makes me feel unsure about myself and the choices I make. I have realized something as I press forward that when those feelings present themselves, I need to keep pushing forward and not tuck my tail and cower.
I am a strong person. A very strong person. I have gone through so much in my life, a lot of very difficult things and I have always managed to come out on top. My inner strength defines me as an individual. Why do I question myself, then? Sometimes, I feel like doing so much for everyone else leaves me open and uncertain. I am always making sure the needs of everyone else around me are being met but yet, I don't always take myself into account and I am realizing more and more that it isn't fair. I need to be just as good to myself as I am to my family.
I feel like I have uncovered a part of me that is dying to escape. I am ready to meet my goals and move on. I am absolutely loving being a part of the BLC and especially CAMO. It is such an amazing group of very strong women who I am inspired by constantly. I know that when I reach my goal weight/size the stress and other external factors of stress will not go away, but it will help me by realizing that I *can* do it. I *can* reach my goals. I *can* be strong for myself in the midst of being strong for everyone else.
I am pushing forward with my own goals. I am going to reach that 5% goal that I have for myself. It is not going to be easy, but I am tired of not making myself a priority and letting my own goals be the ones always sacrificed. I am loving doing the Turbo Fire program again. It is such a fun program. I will use it to carry out my summer and then in the fall I plan to join a gym where I can really lift heavy weights. I am doing the ST I can at home, but feel very limited with what I can do since I don't have equipment to make it as heavy as I can.
I am feeling good. Glad for the weekend. I will be even happier when the kids are out for Summer vacation and things can settle down just a bit.