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Saturday Musings


Saturday, June 08, 2013

This week has been a good one. I feel very focused, driven and motivated. I have been extremely motivated and have been able to get up and get my workouts in first thing in the morning (5 am is a pain in the a$$ sometimes, but I looooooove it!!). I am pushing forward with the Flylady and it is helping me recapture some of my lost sanity. Life is a mess of stress for me most of the time. Demands are high on me always and I don't see that going away anytime soon. I figure I have 2 choices: I can whine, cry and complain *or* I can muster every ounce of my strength, realize it isn't going away, accept it and do the best I can do.

I am leaning toward option 2. Although, option 1 is appealing some days.

This has been a rough last few weeks for me watching my grandma deteriorate right before me. The kids have been insanely busy -- just non-stop. I just feel insurmountable amounts of stress at times. When I get that way, I start to feel uncomfortable and unsure about myself. I start questioning everything I do, how I do it and why. It makes me feel unsure about myself and the choices I make. I have realized something as I press forward that when those feelings present themselves, I need to keep pushing forward and not tuck my tail and cower.

I am a strong person. A very strong person. I have gone through so much in my life, a lot of very difficult things and I have always managed to come out on top. My inner strength defines me as an individual. Why do I question myself, then? Sometimes, I feel like doing so much for everyone else leaves me open and uncertain. I am always making sure the needs of everyone else around me are being met but yet, I don't always take myself into account and I am realizing more and more that it isn't fair. I need to be just as good to myself as I am to my family.

I feel like I have uncovered a part of me that is dying to escape. I am ready to meet my goals and move on. I am absolutely loving being a part of the BLC and especially CAMO. It is such an amazing group of very strong women who I am inspired by constantly. I know that when I reach my goal weight/size the stress and other external factors of stress will not go away, but it will help me by realizing that I *can* do it. I *can* reach my goals. I *can* be strong for myself in the midst of being strong for everyone else.

I am pushing forward with my own goals. I am going to reach that 5% goal that I have for myself. It is not going to be easy, but I am tired of not making myself a priority and letting my own goals be the ones always sacrificed. I am loving doing the Turbo Fire program again. It is such a fun program. I will use it to carry out my summer and then in the fall I plan to join a gym where I can really lift heavy weights. I am doing the ST I can at home, but feel very limited with what I can do since I don't have equipment to make it as heavy as I can.

I am feeling good. Glad for the weekend. I will be even happier when the kids are out for Summer vacation and things can settle down just a bit.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
ZORAHGAIL 6/10/2013 12:01PM

    So had to read this today, thank you for sharing! I especially identified with the "Sometimes, I feel like doing so much for everyone else leaves me open and uncertain. I am always making sure the needs of everyone else around me are being met but yet, I don't always take myself into account and I am realizing more and more that it isn't fair. I need to be just as good to myself as I am to my family." Definitely gave me something to think about. Thank you!

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MISSUSRIVERRAT 6/9/2013 7:41AM

    Great attitude. You are maintaining a position of strength and making it work.
Thanks for sharing. Thinking of you!

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JUSTME29 6/8/2013 10:00AM

    The kids here (and me) are already out for summer vacation. I bet we go back before you though.

I hope it does settle down some for you, but you seem to be handling it well enough now. It's hard though when there are things out of your direct control that you have to deal with. Your grandma's illness is something that you can do nothing about - all you can do is be there with/for her and your grandpa as much as you can. It's so hard to watch, but I think you are handling it as well as anyone could.

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JENSHAINES 6/8/2013 9:30AM

    You sound so energized and just plain GREAT. This makes me very happy! I had a friend who used to say, "Ain't nobody happy if Mama ain't happy." It used to bug me as I she was kind of self-centered in general and I used to think it reflected that in her, but I've grown to realize that if you switch it to, "Ain't no one healthy if Mama ain't healthy", that there's a lot of truth to this. Our families rely on us so heavily and we actually NEED that strength and health to be at our best - exercise, etc., helps not only our bodies, but our brains, moods, etc. What we put into our bodies also affects all of that. I think you're doing SUCH a wonderful job! Also, what IS Turbofire? Is it something I could try with my wonky knees? Hope you're having a wonderful Saturday. Thinking about you and your Grandma daily.

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