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    MYLADY4   44,654
40,000-49,999 SparkPoints
I am a size 10-12 but that does not define me.

Friday, June 07, 2013

I am wondering if too many of us have an unrealistic goal of what they should look like and never truly learn to love themselves at a size and shape that is right for them. I have seen many many people on Spark and in real life feel that if they don’t get down to a certain number on a scale of a specific size of pants that they are a failure (I was/am one of them for sure). I am working really hard to love myself and all of the greatness that I am an NOT have my self worth be determined by my pants size or what the scale says.

I am still dealing with this everyday. Would I like to be thinner, you bet, but will that make me happier, probably not. Will that make me more beautiful, no, not really. Will that make people like me more, nope. Will being a size 6 make me more successful, nope. Will being a smaller size mean my hubby will love me more, h.e. double hockey sticks NO, he loves me for the person that I am inside, not the outside but he has always loved the outside. Will being thinner make me a better mother, sister, daughter or friend, nope.

Do I take care of my health, you bet. Do I still struggle with body image issues, yep, every day but I am working on it. I have spent the past 10 years hating myself and abusing my body. I am about to turn 40 and I do not want the next 10 years to be the same way.

I also think that we (as women and a nation) need to redefine what makes us beautiful. Just because some women are not a size 2 does that make them less beautiful? Some people are just not meant to be a size 4 or 6 or maybe even an 8, 10 or 12. I read about how genetics plays a big part in human body shape and size just like it does in the animal world. A Friesian horse and a Thoroughbred horse are both horses (just like a human is a human) but genetically they are meant for different things and their shapes prove that. A Thoroughbred is meant for speed and thus is tall and lean. A Friesian horse is meant to be a work horse and built that way with strong legs, wide girth, and lots of muscles (and in the case of my daughters horse, maybe a little too much girth since the girth strap is almost not fitting anymore). Humans are the same way. I am more like a Friesian horse and always said that I would make a great farmers wife with my broad hips and muscular thighs. No amount of “dieting” will change that. I will never be a Thoroughbred and that’s ok.

My daughter’s horse Gabrielle’s father Nero (sorry, don't have any pictures of Gabby handy but she looks just like her daddy).

Now, I am not saying that one should not try to be healthier or have fitness goals but be more realistic about it and not HATE yourself if you don’t get where you “think” you should be. There is nothing better than eating clean.

I can honestly say that this is the first time in over 10 years that I do not have a size or weight goal that I HAVE to be at for our yearly vacation to Rock-fest. Every year, I tried and tried to get down to a stupid number on a scale but this year, I do not care.

Maybe it is age or maybe I am just finally tired of trying to reach for “perfection” that I can never ever achieve. I am learning to love myself just the way I am and that it not too bad.
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER4LIFE08 6/20/2013 8:46AM

    Wow... this blog is giving me so much to ponder. I like how you used the horses to define different shapes. (By the way... I LOVE horses!) So much to think about....


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JT_GMOTU 6/10/2013 11:11AM

    Nicole, It sounds like you are in a place where health is the issue, not a specific weight number or size. I know for me, this is a completely different way of looking at myself, my exercise, and my relationship to food.

Appreciate you blogging about this today.

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CINDYTW 6/10/2013 12:04AM

  emoticon I will definitely never be THIN, but I CAN be the best ME I can be. That will also always be on the thick and meaty side, and I HAVE accepted that as well. I just hate the jiggly stuff and want to be fitter!

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VALERIENTN 6/8/2013 8:37PM

    Simply awesome Nicole! I am a Friesian too! I can build muscle with the best of them, but being so short it can make me look soooo meaty. I loved your blog! emoticon

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FITFOODIE806 6/8/2013 11:08AM

    Great blog. I am so happy for you that you're at this point in your journey. It is so easy to gt wrapped up in the numbers. I'm trying to focus on how I FEEL.

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POPROCKS2013 6/8/2013 7:29AM

  Great article

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LORI-K 6/7/2013 10:34PM

    Healthy viewpoints! Positive reinforcement! Excellent!

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-LINDA_S 6/7/2013 9:31PM

    Great blog, Nicole! And beautiful horses, too! Funny, I needed to define a weight goal the other day when I saw a naturopath that I hope will be helpful in many health areas. She focused more on the weight than I do, but when pressed I said I'd be happy at 160 pounds. She thinks that's doable, and it should be. I also have the big hips and thighs, and they won't be going away. She's given me some pretty specific exercise goals, and I think I'm ready to really work at that. I'm on P2 right now(short round, if all goes well) and am working on ditching the travel weight I gained fairly recently. Seems to be going well. Congratulations on your attitude adjustment!

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MRS.CARLY 6/7/2013 5:59PM

    I'm happy to hear this blog! I've stopped being really hard on myself too...I think it happened after I hit age 30, or maybe after I dumped my last loser boyfriend (who obsessed about my weight more than I ever did).

I think CONFIDENCE is sexy! That can happen at ANY size!

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LISAINMS 6/7/2013 4:06PM

    While I don't have a specific size or weight that I want to end up on, I do want less body fat. Will I be any better of a person, no. Will I be healthier? Not particularly as I already have very good predictor numbers. I just want less jiggle. Because that's what I want. I'm not doing any suffering to get there though. I'll keep doing the activities I enjoy and eating the foods that are healthy for me. And if someone wants to turn their nose up at my not-a-size-6 body, that's their issue - not mine.

I am so glad to see your healthy attitude evolving, Nicole. You have struggled so much with food, exercise and health. Be happy, girl. You are a gorgeous woman!

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WOUBBIE 6/7/2013 3:33PM

    Excellent blog!

I was just mulling this over today. Even when I was thin I never liked my body shape and body type. I had the illusion, though, that if I lost enough weight I WOULD.

It took me until I was thin, though, to realize that it doesn't really matter. The people who love me, love me, and the ones that don't, don't matter.

I'm OK with that, now. We don't get to choose, do we? No amount of surgery would narrow these shoulders or elongate that torso. I suppose some nipping and tucking would balance things out a bit more, but who am I - Kim "Had Everything Augmented" Kardashian? LOL! Nope.

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THOMS1 6/7/2013 2:50PM

    Very good blog and I could have written it. I am a size 11-12 and I am very comfortable with that. Would I like to see that number on the scale go down yes I would but I am also very comfortable being where I am now. emoticon

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STRONGMOMMA2014 6/7/2013 2:26PM

    Well said!

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