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Friday, June 07, 2013

I've been feeling like I should blog for a while now, just unsure about what to blog about. So, I'll start with some pretty awesome stuff!

1) When moving my in-laws to their new place, my jeans kept falling off and I kept jerking them back up, my daughter (the marathon runner a size 4/6) handed me her belt and said "here mom, put this on" I told her no way is YOUR belt going to fit me! Well my spark friends, at her urging and I mean lots of urging, I reluctantly put the belt on knowing I'd be embarrassed and humiliated .......and....... it FIT!!! Whoa baby!!!! Granted I only had about three inches of over hang to tuck into my belt loop and she has like 6 inches, but I could wear her belt!!!! She put her hands on my shoulders and said "See mom. I told you you were skinny! Now do you believe me?"
2) Over Memorial Day weekend, we went on a picnic with my son and his girlfriend and she wanted to take some photos of us all together. For the first time in I think my life, when I saw the photos I didn't look fat and I wasn't hiding behind someone else trying to cut part of my body off so you couldn't tell how big I was. I had a hard time even believing that was ME in the photos. I was even, and I'm saying this humbly, really I am, standing next to my 6' tall husband and son, I look tiny! This is a FIRST! EVER!
3) I went shopping for jeans this past weekend and I put on a pair of 10's. TENS. Tens. Tens. Me? A ten?????? Unbelievable. Me who used to be a 24 womens? A ten?????
4) After the experience with my daughters belt, for the first time in at least 20 years, I bought my own belt. A simple leather Fossil belt. I'm wearing a belt this morning because it keeps my jeans on! lol!!!!

Having said all that, I have to admit I'm still having a problem "seeing" the new me when I look in a mirror. I still see the old me. My face looks somewhat slimmer, but I'm still not seeing my body. I actually went into a dressing room not long ago that had a mirror on the door as well as the wall so you could see your back when trying on clothes. I didn't notice the mirror on the door so when I glanced up into the wall mirror after putting on a pair of workout pants, I actually thought someone else had backed into the room by mistake and caught myself starting to say "excuse me....." before I realized that was ME. With that butt. And it wasn't huge! It was pretty good actually! lol!

I haven't weighed in a while, and I may need to change my goal weight as at my physical two months ago my doctor told me "10 pounds more wasn't unreasonable". Exactly what that means I'm not sure because I told her I'd like to lose 10 to 17 more pounds. I have to go back for a biopsy this month, so I guess I'll ask then. Is it 10 or 17 Doc? I still hesitate to weigh, it's a weird thing with me, depending on what that number says, that's how I'll feel about myself. It's something I struggle with.
I guess the reason I chose to blog the above is two fold:
To encourage those who are on this journey and think it's impossible. I was there, still am in a lot of ways. But don't lose hope, you CAN do it. One day at a time, one step at a time, one choice at a time. It is POSSIBLE! DON'T GIVE UP!
And I'd like to know if anyone else out there has trouble seeing the change in the mirror and accepting that change. Do you see what you really look like or do you have to see your backside in a mirror to be surprised by what's really there? or not there as the case may be! lol!
Have a great weekend Spark Friends, and thank you so much for your support and encouragement.
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