Thursday, June 06, 2013
So June is off to a shaky start but I'm determined to turn it around. Monday was my birthday so the weekend prior involved a lot of pre-celebrating. I've actually been feeling motivated, I've been feeling that fire I felt over a year ago when I was determined to see if I could make a difference in my body, I guess looking at pictures and still being unhappy with what you see will do that to you.
I've been keeping up with my workouts, for the last couple days anyways, and I even pushed myself for a run. My downfall has been food. My dinner on Tuesday was a leftover birthday cupcake. Seriously bad, I know. I still have leftover apple cheesecake bars that I've given into both yesterday, and already today. Yesterday was shaping up to be the first "perfect" day in a while, I would have been within calories and percentages, and got a good workout in. But after dinner I felt kind of hungry, I didn't know what to eat, so I went for the cheesecake bar. My sweet tooth wasn't even particularly bad! I just knew it would taste good. I'm still falling into the trap of I can "afford" to eat it. NO, I cannot "afford" dessert nightly if I actually want to see how fit I can be!!
So frustrating. I get hungry, or maybe I only think I do, when I eat under my calorie max (1550). I'm trying to train myself that dealing with feeling hungry and not satisfying that (unless my stomach is ACTUALLY rumbling) will make me stronger. I'm trying to make my body stronger, so why not train that too? I don't know what to do. I'm just at a standstill and still unhappy with parts of my body, and I'm the type of person that believes if you're unhappy you need to do everything in your power to do something about it. So why am I self-sabotaging?!