Thursday, June 06, 2013
As each day goes by I find myself having less patience with people in my life. I used to love being surrounded by friends and family. What my friends thought of me and what they did was held very high in my opinion. The older I get, the more I realize that I put too much faith in people. I care too much about other people. I also can overreact and get hurt because I put so much into my friendships and I get very little in return. Iím also to the point that I think that social media and Facebook was created by the devil. There are days I want to delete my account but at the same time I know I wonít. I do like how it connects me to some people but I also hate how it connects me as well.
Itís hard to see someone you once considered a very close friend, someone you confided in, all of a sudden change. Maybe Iím the one being petty and Iím wrong for feeling this way. That is why Iím posting here because only 2 of my real life friends know that I have a tumblr. This friend of mine recently seemed to become BFFís with my sister-in-law. She even apologized and said she hoped it didnít affect our friendship. My response, itís fine! You can be friends with whomever you want. I have been hurt by my sister-in-law but sheís never really been malicious towards me. We are just very different in our views and outlook in life. Sheís family, sheís my brothers wife and the mother of my niece. I see her at events and we are pleasant with each other. I would never tell someone they cannot be friends with another person, so I have no problem with them being friends. What was hard is knowing that I had privately vented about my SIL to the friend that is now her newest BFF. I let that go though because itís not a big deal. Then yesterday, I see this very close friend of mine became friends with my ex-husband on Facebook. It just seems odd to me. Why now? Two years after we are divorced? A lot people are still ďfriendsĒ with him on there but that is because they never bothered to delete him. Heck, heís still on my list because he rarely goes online. Yet to go out of your way to friend him now, just seems odd to me.
Am I overreacting to being hurt by it? I went through hell and back with my marriage/divorce. I tried to never ask people to choose sides. Some did, some didnít. Mutual friends that were friends with both of us stayed that way and itís always been fine. What I donít understand is why and how some people who never really liked him or talked to him when we were together now think heís this great guy!? He wasnít terrible and had some good qualities but he wasnít great either.
I just feel like the more time goes by, the less I want to be around people. I am becoming a homebody. I donít want to go out to the bar, in big groups of people I fee awkward and cut off. I never felt this way before. Now I prefer to go to work, come home, workout or relax with a good book or tv/movie. I enjoy Saturday nights with my boyfriend and a glass of wine or dinner with one friend at a time. Maybe turning 30 changed me or something. Iím old and just want to be old. The people that are in my life that I make time for, I want to hold onto them tight and just let go all the other people.