I really consider myself fortunate that I have this outlet here on Spark with all of you. A place where I am able to come and open up about what is going on in my life. There have been plenty of times in my life when I have kept things that are going on with me inside, and in the end, really wish I had that outlet, to just be me. I have that here. I have met some really wonderful people here over the last year that I am lucky to call friends and for those of you reading this that I don't know, maybe I will be fortunate enough to call you a friend real soon.
This particular blog is going to touch on a subject that I really haven't opened up much about here on Spark, and that is my relationships or "love life" if you will. I have to admit that I am feeling a little vulnerable but I want to share my life with you all....good and bad.
You may recall from my last blog "Suck It Up & Ride The Roller Coaster", I ended it by saying that I was going to cross off another "what if" on that Thursday (May 30th). I also said that particular "what if" scared me even more than the height of the roller coaster. I said I was going to put myself out there and try. No more "what ifs"!
I am happy to say, I did it. I put myself out there. I told a particular young lady that I was interested in her as more than just friends. I told her that I thought she was great. I thought she was smart, funny, pretty, strong, and caring. I told her that I was interested in her! She is someone that I could really see having something really special with. I think that highly of her.
So in the words of one of my favorite movies, 'Good Will Hunting', "I had to go see about a girl."
Some background is probably necessary at this point because that really may not seem like a big deal. Trust me when I say that it is a huge deal for me! I have only asked out one girl in my life. Let me repeat that, ONE! Yes, I have had 3 relationships in my life (4 + years, 4 + years, and 1 year) but those just kind of happened. I didn't just flat out ask any of them out. The one time I did was about 2 1/2 years ago and she still hasn't answered me! At the time she said, "I'm not saying no, but I will call you tonight and we can talk about it." Well, I still haven't gotten that phone call. STILL! Maybe she lost my number? Doubt it.
My biggest fear was always rejection (and being alone, but that is another blog for another day). No way I could handle rejection! But what I should have been fearing the most was NO ANSWER AT ALL! That feeling is far worse than rejection.
As for me, I am a hopeless romantic. I am sensitive when it comes to matters of the heart and take relationship stuff seriously. I don't do casual. I want something real. I'm the guy who wants to be married for 50 years! Of course I am 34 and have yet to be married! I want to wake up in the morning and see the same pretty smile and beautiful eyes every day for the rest of my life! I want all the little things that only couples have between them like walking up behind her and wrapping my arms around her or those looks that couple have where they don't have to say anything because the look says it all. The little things. That is the good stuff!
Back to last Thursday. There was one other hitch. It would be a long distance relationship. It would be about 300 miles worth of a long distance relationship. I have met her in person and we hung out as friends a couple of days when she was in Louisville so I knew her and she knew me. As much as I enjoyed being friends with her, I felt like there could be something more and I didn't want this to be another "what if" in my relationship life like I have had so many times before. There have been plenty of times where I have been interested in a girl only to never say anything and be eternally stuck with the "what if". Not this time. Not with this girl. Not now. Nope.
So I told her what I thought of her. I said, "I know you are there and I am here, but that doesn't have to get in the way of something between us. I have never done any sort of long distance thing but I'd be willing to try for you."
She said, "Thank you. I'm not going to lie, long distance things suck and I don't know where I am going to end up."
I said, "I know you don't know and I am not asking you to figure it out. I am just letting you know how I feel. I want you to know that I think you would be worth the effort.
She said, "I appreciate your honesty."
I said, "I know it would be difficult, but I think something that has the possibility of being great, is worth the difficulty."
She said, "I never really looked at it like that."
We talked some more and she said that we could continue talking and see where it goes. So, we have been talking over the last week but to be honest, it doesn't seem like the interest on her side is nearly the same as the interest on my side. That doesn't feel good to say. But, I could be wrong but at this point I would say that it probably isn't going anywhere, unfortunately.
I will take the positive of at least I tried and I don't have to wonder "what if?" Don't get me wrong, I'm not giving up but I at least know that she knows where I stand and how I feel. I still really hope something can work out but I don't have to sit here and think about what would happen if I actually told her how I feel. For better or for worse, I did that.
Maybe won't get the desired outcome from this situation but I hope that you can take two things from this blog...
First, if you have a significant other, boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse, or whatever, don't take them for granted. You may get sick of them from time to time and you may get tired of dealing with their crap, but they are with you! They love you! You love them! DO NOT take that for granted because there are people in the world like myself who would give just about anything to have to deal with someones crap because that someone is the love of my life. Don't forget that. Don't ever forget that! Cherish it because it is all good stuff.
Second, remember, if there is the potential for something great in your life, it is worth going through difficulty. That is true for so many of us here on Spark who came here to make real life changes. It is difficult, but isn't it worth it? Isn't it worth going through some difficulty for something that can be potentially great? I think so! Don't let difficult stand in your way wheather it be losing weight or going to see about a girl.
No more "what ifs"!
Embrace Your Possibilities
Good Day Sparkville