Wednesday, June 05, 2013
The days are just not long enough for me to accomplish everything i need to accomplish. It's kind of tripping me out. Where does the time go? It doesn't seem like I've accomplished that much but I'm so busy all day.
Yesterday was the first day that I felt great. I got started with the day as soon as I woke up and kept going and going and going. Mostly dealing with food. I still haven't figured out how to stay ahead of the food situation. Its funny because the Whole30 daily newsletter thing was all about that today- how not to be a slave to the kitchen. I didn't find it to be all that helpful though. All the tips require you to be a bit more organized than I currently am. So I spent the day in the kitchen. I made a frittata for chris to be able to re-heat in the morning so i dont have to jump out of bed and cook him breakfast. I made kale chips and started the chicken marinading for dinner today which worked out kinda well cuz chris was able to just pop everything in the oven while i took a break from the kids but also the chicken ended up horribly chewy. Not sure what went wrong there but it was a bummer. Anyway, i did 3 loads of laundry, 2 loads of dishes and half cleaned my bathroom. Plus all the other stuff with my kids, getting them meals, cleaning up meals, swimming suits on to play in the kiddie pool, bubble juice, swimming suits off to play play doh. Thats where 80% of my time goes -mystery solved.
Anyway, i felt really good. Energy all day. I can even tell that my mood is stabilizing. I had something happen that normally wouldn't have thrown me for a loop and incited at least a crying jag and most definitely bad food choices but it barely even phased me! And i just felt positive. Like I just felt peace that this is working and I can continue eating like this no problem. The answer I've been searching for!
Today i mostly felt the same but more tired which i think is bringing me down. I'm on day 3 of less than 8 hours. I'm a person that needs AT LEAST 8 hours to cope with life. 6.5 or 7 is just not acceptable, especially consistently. We are just so slammed right now. It's hard to get to sleep before midnight. and then these children are in here at 630 or 7 and that's that. But normally if i sleep like that, I can't function. I sit on the couch all day. I cant make myself do anything, even necessary things. Today wasn't that bad. I made breakfast for me and the kids and helped chris get around. I went to zumba. I made the kids lunch. Got them down for a nap. And then i made my lunch which took awhile cuz i had nothing ready and ate it. Then i thought id try to lay down for a bit but i was only in my bed a few minutes when they woke up. thats always depressing. but even though i was tired and annoyed, it just wasn't as bad as it usually is. i didn't feel the same heavy sluggish, hard to pick myself up feeling i usually do.
But i do need more sleep. I think once i get a solid sleep schedule down, ill be in a pretty good place.
My moodiness has been a bit up and down. I have waves of not caring about the weight at all because i feel so good, to looking at myself and freaking out because I'm pretty sure I'm not losing at all and then thinking manic thoughts of "what am i doing wrong?" "what do i need to change?"
Is it possible to feel this awesome and not lose weight? I dont feel like I'm eating a ton but im doing a whole lot more fats and cooking in oil than ever before which the whole30 people say you should be doing. I'm trying to remind myself that right now the focus is healing my body. The dysfunctional relationship I've had with food for my whole life has done some damage. I need to trust the process. It's hard though.
I have 25 minutes till I'm putting myself to bed. I am sleeping better. The past 2 nights i dont think i woke up at all till morning. I usually wake up like 3 times to pee.
So if i feel this good and have all these positive things happening - things that didnt happen with anything else ive tried, i must be on the right track to weight-loss. It's just going to be slow. I have to get over the wanting progress now thing.
Breakfast: 3 eggs with zucchini, yellow squash and spinach 1/2 plantain fried in coconut oil
lunch: 3 deviled eggs, big salad and apple
Dinner: 1 1/2 turkey burgers with spinach and tomato, roasted veg: okra, carrots, brussel sprouts small dish watermelon
Breakfast: 3 eggs with coconut milk, spinach, squash, zucchini, 3 small thin slices ham, 1/2 plantain fried in coconut oil, small cup strawberries and blueberries
*im trying to increase my food at breakfast cuz i keep getting hungry too soon but it didn't work today either. I need to keep tweaking.
snack: almond butter banana and green tea
lunch more ham (i was starving and needed to grab something. I HAVE to get some things prepped to have on hand!) 2 hardboiled eggs and fried sweet potato chips. lots of watermelon
dinner cilantro orange chicken and cauliflour rice with zucchini, squash and plantain. watermelon.
not a great day for food. i have got to get more organized!