Wednesday, June 05, 2013
Well the no eating after 7 is tough tonight. I'm not hungry but I'm craving but I'm not caving.
Worked out this morning. Felt good. Took Buck on two walks.
I hate to be such a baby about this but walking and exercise just lost its zip after my dog, Lucy died. Then when shortly there after Buck, Lucy's brother got terribly hurt. After 12 + years of hiking, running, walking everywhere with those two dogs, walking seems empty. Buck is getting better, he has new leg braces so our walks are short.
Dogs. It feels silly that at my advanced age to be so missing the three of us walking.
Dogs. I know I've said this before but Lucy and Buck were there for me when my husband was activated into this war. They sat at the foot of my bed while I healed after part of my left kidney was removed. They stayed up with me after my right eye was removed and I was too sad to sleep. The ran with me every summer through the Vermont mountains, especially the summer after my husband came home wounded and I needed to keep my equilibrium in order to stay strong for him. They licked the tears from my face when his PTSD brain fell in love with someone else. They jumped and danced as we worked through it all and were a family again. I have pictures of Lucy and Buck wearing paper plate, bow covered hats at each of my daughter-in-laws bridal then baby showers. They greeted and nurtured each grandchild.
Dogs. My dogs. In many ways they have been better friends and companions than my best friends.
I don't know were this ramble is going but with the wounded Buck lieing at my feet as I write, all I know is that ....walking is hard. Biking feels like an excuse to not walk (and it is) so I don't have to hurt.
After all the life that's been thrown at me since the war started, the loss walking with Buck and Lucy feels like the toughest. Silly huh?