Ugh, I feel so fat....
Wednesday, June 05, 2013
I am clearly new to this site. Hi, anyone who reads this. Today, I joined the site, I weighed myself and tracked every bit of food that went into my mouth and boy did i eat a lot today. I didn't think I was eating that much. And i clearly do not drink enough water at all. I had a darling little boy almost 6 months ago and was bf'ing (not exclusively, only a few times a day) and now its stopping so I can really start a diet. A backstory on me is when i met my husband is weighed 180 (i'm 5'4" so i was chubby) and all of a sudden i ballooned up to 240 because I was eating 3 meals a day and a snack or two bc i was happy. Got married, i weighed 275. A few months later i was 292 and wanted to have a baby but was having issues doing so. I tried weigh watchers in the past with no luck and tried lucille roberts but didnt lose a pound at all. I should mention im asthmatic and on a steriod inhaler so that im able to breathe which makes it very hard to lose weight in the first place. So, i went to the doctor where i was diagnosed with pcos, insulin resistance, vit d deficency and a few other things. So i was put on a bunch of vitamins and meds and metformin. I was on metformin for about 2 months and i had lost 30 lbs doing no exercise at all. I got pregnant. for 75% of my pregnancy, i didnt gain a pound. The last part i gained 20 lbs. He was a big boy at 9 lbs and I wound up having a csection (which friggin hurt may i add) I was on 2 diff pain meds and was in the hospital for a week after bc they were afraid of blood clots. I retained a lot of water and clocked in at 310 when i left the hospital. Over a month i had gone back down to 270. I was fine with that. A month later i went back to work and stressed from family stuff and ate a lot of bad foods and drinking less water and I wound up gaining everything back again. Now that im about done with bf'ing I really want to stop being unhealthy and fat and hating how i look and feel. I recently went to my gyno bc of gaining weight so easily and being so tired (not new mommy tired but more) she check my thyroid.... normal, everything was normal except my being a candidate for diabetes ( ive have always been so but kind of ignored it). Im kind of upset that nothing is wrong with my thyroid bc then i could explain my fat growth easier.
So i started tracking my food (which im disgusted at how much i ate) and i went for 2 walks today with my son ( one time was with hubby- im trying to get him to lose weight also bc hes so tired also and he gained some weight too) . I'd like to get to the point where i dont feel so disgusted by myself. I know its going to be harder than anything ive ever had to do and im hoping that I will be able to get to my goal, maybe even past it.