Wednesday, June 05, 2013
I was looking at my weigh in report today, and realized that I started tracking a year ago today. On my spark page it says tomorrow, but you know. Close enough.
I have gained and lost, gained and lost weight since I was 14 or 15 years old. I have lost weight (at different times) through starvation, extreme exercise, running, eating only plant foods (for weight loss only, not health), and just not eating right (without actually trying to starve myself).
This, my friends, is the first time in my 31 years that I am doing everything with HEALTH in mind. It wasn't just about losing weight this time. It was about changing my life, loving myself, and being healthy. May of 2012 was one of the worst times in my life, and I knew that I either had to start changing my life or just give up. Believe me, I teetered on the edge of giving up for quite a bit. I was killing myself with food anyway, so why not just speed up the process?
I have told everyone I get the chance to about Sparkpeople. It changed my life for the better, not just helped me lose weight. I found out that I'm not the only one who would eat until I was sick, and hate myself, and eat more because I hated myself. It's not that eating felt good; it felt BAD and I felt like that's all I deserved. Why exercise? I didn't care, no one cares. Why bother? I drank ALL the time. I felt bad about myself, felt bad about my life. If you're drunk all the time, you don't notice as much. I smoked. Because why not? Who cared. I had all of these friends, but I felt like they were looking right through me no matter how much fun we had. What I had were a bunch of drinking buddies. Not all of my friends, but definitely more than half of the ones I saw on a regular basis... Looking at numbers, I would say I have less friends now than I did a year ago, but all of the friends I do have are amazing and wonderful, they are people that I wouldn't want to go a day of my life without.
My life has completely turned around. I started small, just watching what I ate. Doing a little bit of exercise here and there. I stopped drinking because the calories were out of control...over 2000 a day some days. That's no good, I wasn't supposed to be having more than 1800 on the plan Sparkpeople generated for me. So I cut that out from 4 to 5 days a week binge drinking to once or twice a week to once a month to now, where I have a glass of wine or a beer once a month and I'm done. I slowly stopped smoking, because although working out felt easier, somehow I was still feeling out of breath. I started neglecting friendships that were unhealthy, and somehow shedding friends built my self-esteem. My relationships with people are so much healthier now.
I feel so amazing. I love myself now. I can honestly say this is the happiest I have ever been, and it isn't caused by an alcohol-induced haze. I am so happy I turned my life around. I'm so happy I found a supportive community in Sparkpeople to help me do it. I've lost 63 pounds in the past year, but what I've gained in happiness and quality of life simply cannot be measured.