I never have been much of a summer person. I hate that it gets too friggin' hot. I hate to sweat. I hate that my feet swell. I hate that my hands swell. I hate seeing everybody running around in cute shorts, or heading to the water in cute swimsuits. I just hate it.
Until this year.
Now, I am not running around in cute shorts or cute swimsuits - I am not bikini ready. But I have come to realize that I may never be, but that is okay. I have also realized that if I wanted to wear a bikini even though I still have weight to lose, that is okay too. I am wearing cuter things than I have in a very long time. Use to be, all I owned was big & baggy & black. Now I have a rainbow of color in my closet. I wear things that don't make me look even bigger than I really am, so yes there are days that I look in the mirror and think, "that is cute, you look cute!"
This is the first year in about 2 decades that I have not been self-conscious about going out in summer time. It is the first year ever that I have just accepted and appreciate the woman that I am.
I am not trying to impress anyone. I am not doing this for anyone else really, but me. That is true and not true. I am doing this because I want to be around longer, and to be healthier while I am around, for my family. But you know what I mean. My weight loss and my weight loss goals are all my own, not something imposed by someone else. Not even a doctor.
Though I was very very close to that, and I knew it. I knew I was one twinkie away from diabetes. One monster cheesey fry away from a heart attack. Since my insurance company would not help with obesity (now they do starting 2013) I knew it was up to me if I was going to live a healthier, happier, longer life than the path that I was on.
Anyways, this year I just have an entirely new attitude. I don't mind wearing shorts. I don't even mind putting on my swimsuit - I was not mortified to wear it out in public to water aerobics like I would have been before. I am just more comfortable in my own skin than I can remember ever being, and I still have a fair chunk left to lose. Even when I was at a good weight and buff back in my 20's, I still had a distorted body image of myself and was always comparing myself to others, especially the air-brushed girls. If only I could go back and have a nice long chat with myself.........
Anyways.... I love working outside in my yard and around my house. I love that I am riding my horse again. I love going for Harley rides with DH. I love doing fun things with the grandkids. I love working in my garden. I love working in my flower beds. I love that I have energy to do things that need done, and desire for things that I want to do. And I really love that I am not letting some kind of body image or depression about being overweight, those things are not holding me back or keeping me a prisoner inside my house any longer.
I love that I am at a new place with my weight loss. It has definitely been a journey, a work in progress - complete with a stall for a very long time. I love that by making a few simple changes like strategically eating certain foods on certain days - the same foods I was eating before - the weight is coming off. Really love that!
Now, it technically is not summer. It is only late spring, so I may still hate it when it gets too friggin' hot, but for now, I am loving it!