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    CAT-IN-CJ   59,039
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(Senior Humor) Drafting guys over 60

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Tuesday, June 04, 2013


Drafting Guys Over 60

I am over 60 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing backwards.

Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 45.

For starters, researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy.

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry.' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some terrorist that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for awhile..

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10am. Old guys always get up early to pee, so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical SOB.

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser.

Boot camp would be easier for old guys.. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.

They could lighten up on the obstacle course however... I've been in combat and never saw a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too... I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head.

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way.

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons, who know that their best years are already behind them.

HEY!! Another idea: How about recruiting Women over 50... in menopause!!!

You think MEN have attitudes??
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol.
They'll have it secured the first night!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MONTREAL12 8/9/2013 10:33AM

  emoticon for the memories!

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GRAMPIAN 6/17/2013 6:00AM

  Enjoyed this. emoticon

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EFFRAYECHILDE 6/14/2013 4:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIZE8NOTSOMUCH 6/14/2013 8:31AM

    As a 50+ woman, LOVED this... and you are right, give me a gun and a terrorist, and he would be IN SUCH TROUBLE!!!

J


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CORNERKICK 6/13/2013 11:47AM

  emoticon

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CHATERJOY 6/11/2013 9:45PM

    OMG...you hit the nail on the head with this one....too good!

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APACHESTEVE 6/11/2013 11:44AM

    I'm 50 sign my arse up, I'll join you! Seriously, funny read.

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OAKASHANDTHORN 6/8/2013 11:46PM

    What a truly refreshing point of view!

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PROUD-GRANDMA 6/8/2013 11:29PM

    emoticon

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JERICHO1991 6/8/2013 9:59PM

    Love it!! Thank you.

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CM_GARDNER78 6/8/2013 9:39PM

    HAHAHAHHA! OMG - that is HILARIOUS! I read it out loud to my hubby who served in the army when he was younger. He died too! Great blog! :-)

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DLDMIL 6/8/2013 7:18PM

    LOL funny. My son joined the Army at 19 and went to Afghanistan at 20. I being a women over 50 would have gone in his place. thanks for sharing.

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MISSBOOBOOKITTY 6/8/2013 7:13PM

    emoticon

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JAHZBUTTAFLY 6/8/2013 6:49PM

    Too funny!

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NANCYPAT1 6/8/2013 5:48PM

    TOO funny - loved it and am still laughing

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AUSTRALIA55 6/8/2013 5:19PM

  emoticon

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BARBARASDIET 6/8/2013 4:29PM

    very funny!

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MERRYMARY42 6/8/2013 4:04PM

    I have said it about women for years, and yes good idea for the older guys too, my DH is all of the above emoticon

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TEMPEST272002 6/8/2013 3:37PM

    Hubby spent 20 years in military & I'm in menopause. We laughed all the way through.

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GOCHRISTINAGO 6/8/2013 2:43PM

    Fantastic... Love it! emoticon

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KHALIA2 6/8/2013 2:43PM

  emoticon emoticon

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PEG2584 6/8/2013 12:31PM

    Love it!!! Plus, pretty soon there will be a lot more of us than of those 18 year olds. The terrorists would be nothing against a legend of old farts!
emoticon

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TATHY49 6/8/2013 11:50AM

    emoticon I loved it !!!! Thank you for sharing ! AWESOME

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PENOWOK 6/8/2013 11:49AM

    That's great!! Love the reasoning!!

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CLIMBERS_ROCK 6/8/2013 11:42AM

    emoticon

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KIMMARIE11 6/8/2013 10:39AM

    That was an excellent logic-based blog. The added humor was a definite plus. I can see why you're on the List of Amazing Blogs of SparkPeople.
emoticon

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LOLAINSC 6/8/2013 10:22AM

    Sure draft Grannies as well as Grampies and we'll fix whatever is wrong with this world--after all, we keep the grumpy old codgers in line!
emoticon

Comment edited on: 6/8/2013 10:23:37 AM

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JANET552 6/8/2013 10:07AM

    emoticon

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NIKONDEMON 6/8/2013 10:06AM

    LOVE this blog!

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NIKKIJ55 6/8/2013 10:02AM

    Sooo funny! emoticon

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BECKYSFRIEND 6/8/2013 9:59AM

    good one

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BOB5148 6/8/2013 9:53AM

  Very funny and your so right emoticon

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COLLEENROSTE 6/8/2013 9:43AM

    things would be soooooo different if only emoticon

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HOLISTIC5 6/8/2013 9:39AM

    emoticon

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CINDYKC2000 6/8/2013 9:16AM

    Thanks for my morning chuckle! Keep them coming!

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SORLANDO21 6/8/2013 9:14AM

    emoticon

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RUTHDEN1 6/8/2013 9:09AM

    FUNNY!!!!

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PICKIE98 6/8/2013 8:18AM

    First order of the day is to take all of the chocolate supply from the U.S and drop it in enemy territory.
Gather up all women over the age of 40 and just drop them off anywhere after telling them enemy will not give up the chocolate ever, to anybody!
No male on the planet with any weapon, could hold them back for more than 20 minutes.
Give the women weapons, sunscreen, and deodorant, and they are good to go.

Promise them that the glass ceiling is broken and free spa days for a lifetime and men will never have to touch a weapon again. Of course you WOULD have to bring back the jobs from Mexico that the Hershey Corporation sent down there, to restore American jobs, but I am sure the women would gladly take those jobs!!!!

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SFLEENOR 6/8/2013 8:01AM

  emoticon I've already joined the over 60 set and can relate.



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POPROCKS2013 6/8/2013 7:56AM

  Nice article

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LINDAKAY228 6/8/2013 7:55AM

    Oh that's so funny!

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MARGARITTM 6/8/2013 7:44AM

    Can't argue with logic!

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WORKOUTWITHPAM 6/8/2013 7:32AM

    emoticon emoticon

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RASPBERRY56 6/8/2013 7:27AM

    emoticon

emoticon sooooo much for sharing - this "ol' gal" had a day straight outta h*ll yesterday (complete with splitting headache to top it off) so I *really* needed the humor! Keep it coming!

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IMEMINE1 6/8/2013 7:09AM

    emoticon

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MACMOM57 6/8/2013 6:58AM

    Great blog love your humor.

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REJOHNSON3 6/8/2013 6:22AM

    You can add me to your list of "We like your thinking"

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MASE72 6/8/2013 5:44AM

    emoticon

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EOWYN2424 6/8/2013 4:12AM

    LOL!!!!

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123ELAINE456 6/8/2013 4:02AM

  LOL!!! God Blessings to Everyone . Have a Wonderful Week. Take Care. Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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