Monday, June 03, 2013
You know what I love about sparkpeople? That it's always here when I need it. I have flaked out on this program so many times over the past 3 years, but it's always here when I need to come back. Sometimes with my head hung in shame, but whenever I come back, I feel forgiveness, and the community saying, "welcome back, we missed you." I love that about this place. I love that this was the first place where I found success with changing my life through tracking calories and exercising. And I just can't seem to shake this place. I always come back for more.
Over the past month, there's been a lot of interesting challenges in my life, and I've come out of that whole period knowing a few things.
1. God is faithful. I don't speak about my faith too much, mostly because it's MY faith and something that I don't need to shove in other people's faces to feel better, and because sometimes I think writing about it can seem disingenuous sometimes. However, I'm just going to say it--for me, it's working and real and has brought me out of so many hard times feeling stronger and more able.
2. I am lazy. A lot of things have come easy to me, so when it comes to things that are hard or challenging...not even that, more like tedious and boring, I tend to want to give up. But I'm realizing that those hard/challenging/tedious/borin
g activities are what lay the groundwork for truly beautiful and amazing things. This can be applied to so many areas of life.
3. Change is all about CHOOSING to be different. There isn't going to be some magical switch that makes me different, that changes my mindset, and that pushes me to be better. I have to choose everyday to be different, to change my mindset, and to push to be better.
I've been waiting for that inspiration, like I had back in 2010 when I was just so DONE with the shame and the lack of self control. It was such a drastic lifestyle change for me that I FELT like it was a switch. Losing 7lbs in the first week, and then consistently losing 3-6 lbs for the weeks after FELT like this amazing thing. Now, I'm starting again, and realizing, hey, I'm not where I was before--leading a totally sedentary life. So that change that happens isn't going to be so crazy. However, just because it's 1 lb vs 7 lbs doesn't mean that it's not inspiring and life changing. It's JUST as good, and I'm JUST as successful.
I'm also trying to get over that whole comparing myself to who I used to be a year or two ago. When I was 20 lbs lighter, I was running 5ks and 10ks like nothing. I was slimmer and stronger and could do more. I always tend to be bummed when I finish my 5k and am not running 11 minute miles anymore. But I can't compare myself to that other girl, I'm me, right now, in this moment. And the fact that I'm getting out there is awesome.
I have this goal of doing 100 days of healthy living: eating right, exercising, journaling, getting good sleep, and having fun. At the end of that, I have a 10k. I'm excited for this next step in my journey. These past 2 years have been up and down, but I have a feel that my journey is on the up, and I'm excited. Here's to accomplishing goals, no matter what.