The first thing I need to do is say a huge
to all of my Sparkfriends who commented on my "down in the dumps" post. I took your advice/suggestions to heart and things are starting to get better. Of course like most life issues, they got worse before they got better. It seems like we are fighting less, but have shorter fuses when we do fight. Our friends ended up not coming for the weekend and it's probably better that way because if they had come we would have been fighting more and there is a small chance they can make it out before they leave. If not, I guess we'll go visit them.
We developed this crazy thing that B found online somewhere that we are going to use every time we fight. It takes the edge off of arguing because it's so long and kind of silly. Before any argument can take place we need a copy of this form. First you have to read the rules, which include:
- give the benefit of the doubt
- stay on topic
- no running away
- be respectful
- don't overly use "I'm sorry"
After taking turns reading those aloud, we have to say "(name), you are important to me, even if right now I am mad or mad at you. Thank you for taking the time to discuss this with me." There is a rating system of how important the issue is which determines a time limit for it and then, and only then, can the arguing start. We tried it once and by the time we got to the allotted time, I really didn't care about the original issue any more. I think that's a sign it may work!!
We also realized that we spend WAY too much time together and have kind of forgotten how to live separate lives/be separate people. We live together, but we also work together, which is great most of the time, but hard when fighting. B already has a ton of hobbies that would take all his time if he let them, but I don't. I like to read and be outdoors, but don't have any specific hobbies that I'm like really into. I'm going to try to find one and not get mad or feel abandoned when he's doing his hobbies.
Today he's off at a glider festival (remote controlled airplanes) while I'm going to go find carpet for the bedrooms. Or maybe I'll ditch that and take Shimmer on a hike. That sounds like more fun. I need to it badly after last night. B and I were getting along and I didn't want to mess it up which meant that I ate and drank WAY too much. Even though I didn't really want to keep eating, it was social and part of us getting along so I did it anyway. This morning I woke up feeling awful after eating 1/2 a pizza!! UGH!!! As long as it doesn't happen too often though, I think I'll be fine.
Happy Sunday to everyone out there in Sparkland! Shimmer and I have a hike to get to (and maybe some carpet to pick