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Things are looking up

Sunday, June 02, 2013

The first thing I need to do is say a huge emoticon to all of my Sparkfriends who commented on my "down in the dumps" post. I took your advice/suggestions to heart and things are starting to get better. Of course like most life issues, they got worse before they got better. It seems like we are fighting less, but have shorter fuses when we do fight. Our friends ended up not coming for the weekend and it's probably better that way because if they had come we would have been fighting more and there is a small chance they can make it out before they leave. If not, I guess we'll go visit them.

We developed this crazy thing that B found online somewhere that we are going to use every time we fight. It takes the edge off of arguing because it's so long and kind of silly. Before any argument can take place we need a copy of this form. First you have to read the rules, which include:
- give the benefit of the doubt
- stay on topic
- no running away
- be respectful
- don't overly use "I'm sorry"

After taking turns reading those aloud, we have to say "(name), you are important to me, even if right now I am mad or mad at you. Thank you for taking the time to discuss this with me." There is a rating system of how important the issue is which determines a time limit for it and then, and only then, can the arguing start. We tried it once and by the time we got to the allotted time, I really didn't care about the original issue any more. I think that's a sign it may work!!

We also realized that we spend WAY too much time together and have kind of forgotten how to live separate lives/be separate people. We live together, but we also work together, which is great most of the time, but hard when fighting. B already has a ton of hobbies that would take all his time if he let them, but I don't. I like to read and be outdoors, but don't have any specific hobbies that I'm like really into. I'm going to try to find one and not get mad or feel abandoned when he's doing his hobbies.

Today he's off at a glider festival (remote controlled airplanes) while I'm going to go find carpet for the bedrooms. Or maybe I'll ditch that and take Shimmer on a hike. That sounds like more fun. I need to it badly after last night. B and I were getting along and I didn't want to mess it up which meant that I ate and drank WAY too much. Even though I didn't really want to keep eating, it was social and part of us getting along so I did it anyway. This morning I woke up feeling awful after eating 1/2 a pizza!! UGH!!! As long as it doesn't happen too often though, I think I'll be fine.

Happy Sunday to everyone out there in Sparkland! Shimmer and I have a hike to get to (and maybe some carpet to pick emoticon)!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    emoticon emoticon
    1725 days ago
    Glad you are working it out. The food part will sort itself out too. You know what you did. You know what you have to do.
    Wish you much success in both areas!
    1726 days ago
    I am so glad things are looking up. As for the happens let it go and move on

    1726 days ago
    You can do it, and that is great news!!! You do need time apart, especially living and working together. My hubby and I don't work together, but we have found that spending a little time apart is just fine with us! We don't do much, but he will do a bowling league or something from time to time. I spend time with my friends that I don't get to see as much being a mom.

    And I am glad that you are doing better. I know for me, and my hubby, if all things are good, our fuses are longer. His fuse is very short when he is frustrated with something else.
    1726 days ago
    Sooo happy things are looking better for you! I know ALL about the working and living together...but it CAN happen! The hubs and I just celebrated our 35 wedding anniversary this May 20th! emoticon emoticon It IS important to have your own interests and your own life...but hopefully with the blend of that you are happier as a couple and stronger as a team.

    I'd try to remember back to things you REALLY loved as a kid. That's a great way to remember what made you ZING! Or try some vision boarding..get some magazines and just rip out pages that speak to you! Before long you will have a pile that is bigger than others...that should point you in the right direction for a good hobby!

    Hugs and are an amazing person...and you'll get through this rough patch just fine! emoticon
    1726 days ago
    Pizza is in the past sweetie...don't worry about it. Move on. Sounds like things are definitely going better! Hugs, Bev
    1726 days ago
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