Sunday, June 02, 2013
Just a quick update- I'm down 23lbs in 7 weeks, 32 since my highest weight in February. I'm so proud of myself. I know I have quite a ways to go still, but I'm making sure to give myself credit for how far I've come!
Yesterday I went to the movies with my parents, and I was shocked to see how different I looked in the movie theater bathroom. It was the most "myself" I've looked in almost 3 years. I can see my old self in my face now. I knew I was still in there somewhere, and I'm starting to remember who I really am, if that makes any sense. Anyway, it was weird to not strongly despise the reflection I saw in the mirror. I've had pretty intense body dismorphia for most of my life, so I still battle in my head with the whole "well, maybe I'm thinner/fatter than I think I am", and all that crap. But it feels good to start accepting myself, even though I still want to change, if that makes any sense. I was also really stoked that I was able to wear my size 16 pants the whole day! They fit perfectly in the legs and waist now. Holy crap.
I'm having a hard time trying to find the balance of what I can and can't do with this hiatal hernia. The pain/acid/discomfort are insane. Went back to the doctor on Friday and it looks like I'm going to need another upper endoscopy and quite likely it'll need to be fixed surgically and I'll need to have my gallbladder out. I'm not worried about the procedures themselves, but I don't know how I'm gonna pay for them without insurance. I know I really do need to get back to a gastroenterologist, though, with all these symptoms and my IBS acting up. Maybe they'll let me set up a payment plan. I gotta do something, though.
Hope everyone's having a great weekend!