I am my own worst enemy
Saturday, June 01, 2013
Queen of excuses... that's what I am. I am what gets in the way of my goals and my weightloss every time. Last year when I lost the most I ever had, right before the wedding I quit. With the excuses it was because of the wedding. Then it was winter, now it's weather and the fact that I'm stressed about getting a house.
And I was just playing on Pinterest thinking if I get this house, I'm going to make my work out room in the basement, and I will have a place for me to do my thing. And how I wish I had that space here. And the time to do it. And knowing me, once I get the house, I'll end up making more excuses.
That's me. The queen of them. And I let myself believe in them.
I know my faults. I'm lazy, and I let myself talk myself into reasons as to why it's ok. When I know deep down, it's not ok. I choose to not make time. Like right this moment. I could be working out, actually I could have been working out all morning. And I didn't. I chose to watch a show on ABC (through the ABC player app). I then chose to play on FB. Then I chose to play on Pinterest. None of these were a healthy choice for myself.
All these excuses add up. And just like my food choices have been HORRIBLE lately. I have no made myself accountable for anything as of late. I just eat what I want. I haven't found against my sugar cravings. I just give in and gorge. What the hell is wrong with me?
I do good. I get myself started off strong and then I go back to being my usual self. Lazy.
I have started over so many times. Because I do the same thing over and over and over. One of these days I'm scared I'm never going to start over again. One of these days I'm just going to quit. And that scares me. I need to dedicate myself 100% instead of this half-ass-ness that I've been doing lately.
The scale is slowly starting to creep back up again.
The sad part is I cut fast food out of my life. I haven't touched it in over 100 days. I don't drink soda. I haven't had any (other than when I had the flu and ginger ale was the only thing that didn't make me vomit). But those two things are not enough. They're such a small insignificant part of the whole picture. I'm sure they'll help me in the long run, but alone no, they are not helping. My weight is still increasing. Because of all the other things I AM NOT DOING. Like watching everything else I stuff in my face. Eating processed foods is bad. And I'm still doing it. Fast food is bad. But so is having processed chicken nuggets from the store. Or going out to eat 3 times a week to a sit down place. And eating everything on my plate. Instead of watching my portions. And NOT exercising.
I need to wake up. I need to STOP with my incessant excuses. I need to start cooking again. I need to start exercising... REGULARLY! Not this walking a mile on my lunch two times a week bullcrap that I've been doing.
I have the knowledge, I know what I need to do, I just need to freaking do it. No more excuses. I need to take control of my life. Not let it control me.