Saturday, June 01, 2013
I can't believe that I've managed to stick to my goal for an entire month! I've watched as Adam and others in my family enjoyed cake, pastries, and crackers in front of me. It's gotten so much easier, and I have to be honest, I want to keep this up. Those foods that they ate earlier times this month are long forgotten. I didn't really feel like I was missing much. I'm sure I'll eventually 'crack' and have a piece of cake or a cookie or something, but really, right now, I don't feel the desire. I don't want to eat those foods as often as I had been. I've managed to lose about 10 pounds, and that's just fine with me. I know that the numbers won't always be that high consistently, but I can't say I'm disappointed either.
My attempts at a 10-minute mile have gotten easier too. I usually set the time, and then make it so that the timer doesn't show on the screen. I often feel like seeing the timer makes it go so much slower. I usually end up jogging at my 10-minute mile speed, and after a few minutes, I feel like I can't stand it anymore, and then I put the timer back on, just to see how much longer I have to go. Usually when I see it, I have between 4 and 6 minutes left or so (and then I feel so much worse for looking). Sometimes I couldn't finish it, and I'd slow it down to 5.5, or I'd push myself to continue, but I'd feel like I was dying. Just looking at the time left makes it harder psychologically to maintain stamina for that kind of run.
Today I did the same thing, only when I finally decided to look at the timer, I only had about a minute left. It was still difficult, but I felt better about it because I lasted longer without feeling like my lungs were going to pop. I also have been doing more strength training in general. I know those are paying off because I had to add weight. I have been doing some of the workouts that I learned through a boot-camp style classes too. I also noticed that the way the fat on my body-particularly my stomach, sits differently. I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but I know it's different. I think it's because of these exercises I've been doing. My body is starting to change shape again.
I was also really happy today because I was talking with a class mate about weight issues, and she had said that I looked like I've lost a bit of weight since when I first met her last spring. She said that she specifically noticed the change in my arms! That REALLY made my day because that's one part that I've become particularly frustrated with. I seriously feel sometimes like my arms aren't changing at all, but apparently, they are. I guess just like with weight loss in general, I see myself every day, so I don't notice those very gradual changes. Another cool non-scale victory is the fact that I'm in-between departments now. I can wear some bottoms in the non-plus size section! I'm so excited about that!
One thing I still struggled with was eating within calorie range. I used the fact that I wasn't eating specifically those certain foods as a reason to give myself permission to eat more of the other foods. I' watched a video about how candy is made. It was particularly interesting because seeing that the only ingredients that go into those 'foods' is corn syrup, sugar, more sugar, and fruit 'essences'. It actually really turned me off to it. In a way it was like the equivalent of seeing a hot dog being made... I am genuinely interested in seeing how candies like marshmallows and Turkish delights are made, and it's fun to watch. At the same time, it turns me off to it. Perhaps it's a good thing. My goal for June is to eat within calorie range at least 5 days a week. Another goal I have is to drink more water. I still had trouble drinking enough water most days.
The term is almost over. I have 2 more weeks left. I am so excited about that. I have been applying for summer jobs, and I'm hoping I can maybe get my housekeeping job back this summer. I have to admit, I'm worried about falling off again this summer. It seems to always happen that way. I'm just going to have to remind myself why I'm doing this. I'm so close to finally, FINALLY losing 100 pounds. I'm down 90 (again) now, so I'm hoping between June and the middle of July, I can get down to 230 pounds. I have my chart of weigh ins for every Monday that I started on April 8th. It's been nice seeing the weight gradually go down in the last 8 weeks. If I stick to this, I could reasonably get below 200 pounds by the end of the year. It would be so nice to get down to about 200 pounds by the time school starts up in the fall.
I am feeling genuinely optimistic about all this. I know I can do this. It's going to take a while, and I know that it's not going to get any easier. I truly feel like I'm going to really get there this time.