It's been a few days since my last post; I guess I just haven't had much to share. Yesterday, I had an appointment for my foot injury, and I'm being booted for another two weeks. I'm a little disappointed, but I'd rather it heal correctly than for there to be problems down the road.
Last time I posted, I talked about how this injury was a blessing in disguise because it provided an opportunity to focus one area of health -- food. While I'd love to tell you how amazing I've been doing, I am not going to lie -- I've been stuffing my face every chance I get. Take out, candy, soda, and entire bags of chips have been my friends lately. It's disgusting.
It's funny because I've been trying to put my finger on the "why", and I can't seem to figure it out. I've come up with a few that I thought were it, but I'm not sure that they are. Even if they were, how would I even deal with them?
1 - I'm not proud of my body at all because I'm so incredibly bloated. (For example, last weekend, my boyfriend and I hung out with his coworkers by the pool, and I refused to wear a bathing suit. I wore shorts and a t-shirt that didn't show my stomach.) It can't really be this reason because I've always been bloated and ashamed of my body.
2 - It's that time of the month. In the past, I have eaten a lot before and during it, but I've eaten SO MUCH that it's almost like I'm eating for two (I'm not pregnant though!).
3 - My foot and the two races that are coming up. The last two weeks, I have been pretty anxious about the two July races that I'm supposed to be in because I've not had any time to train due to this injury. I'm not even sure I will have any time. If I do, it'll be 2-3 weeks which won't be much. However, the last few days, I've accepted the fact that I will most likely be walking them (maybe walk/run).
4 - I've been debating a couple life changes recently. First, I hate my job, so I've been thinking about going back to school or moving to a new city. Where I live now, there aren't many jobs available, so one of those options are going to have to happen. Both of these are big steps, and they make me very nervous. Secondly, my boyfriend and I have been looking at engagement rings, and to be honest, it's kind of scary. It's a big step especially when my family is just now coming around in regards to our relationship. I've just been having a lot of doubts -- what if we can't make it? (Is this normal?) Being a child of divorce, I don't want that. In addition, I've caught my mind wedding planning even though he has not even asked yet.
5 - My last possible reason is that I might have a eating disorder. If that's the case, I can't seek help right now because I've got way to many doctor appointments that have been costly. It's just not an option.
What doesn't make sense is that I feel like crap, but I continue to eat poorly. I don't know what to do. I'm scared to get on the scale. If I don't change something soon, I'm going to find myself back at 171 in just a few short months. I need to somehow find my way back on track.
What would you do?