Tired of Beginning
Thursday, May 30, 2013
I am so tired of beginning. I set a goal for myself to run my first 5k by the end of the year, and I completed that in April. I cannot describe to you how good it felt to cross the finish line. I almost didn't even go to the race in the first place. I had "fallen off the horse" as far as dieting and exercising had gone a month earlier, and the night before the big race, my running partner bailed on me. The odds were stacked against me. I didn't sleep more than three hours that night because I was so conflicted. Should I go to the race? Why bother? I had already given up on trying to lose weight after only gaining no matter how diligent I was. Would I feel weird being the only one running alone? What if I couldn't finish because I hadn't kept up with my training?
I woke up that morning and decided that now was my time. I had said I was going to do it, and there was no real reason I shouldn't. I laced up my shoes and drove to Stockton with my adrenaline racing. I was nervous about running alone. I was nervous about not finishing the race. I was even nervous about getting lost on the way to the race. (Silly.) I put all my fears aside that day and ran. I put one foot in front of the other and ran. I walked at some point, but even at the points I was walking, I was still chipping away at my former self. I was defeating my anxiety, my awkwardness, and my self-consciousness one step at a time. I paced myself and enjoyed myself. There was a mental peace I found in being alone, and yet surrounded by so many people. I realized that no one was watching me and no one really cared if I was by myself or with a group. They were all running their own race, as was I.
When I finally crossed the finish line, I called my husband in tears. I had done it. No one was running with me and no one was waiting at the finish line for me. I had done it and I had done it for myself. I have never been so proud in my life. It even took me less time than I thought it would. I want to chase that feeling of crossing the finish line. Of achieving goals I never thought possible. I can continue to do this. I have been blessed with a healthy body and can continue to push it to achieve a healthy appearance and a healthy mindset. I just have to keep replaying the mental image of the finish line.
What is your finish line story?