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Maybe I just need to clear my head

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Hubby is starting to say things that are sending up red flags for me.

I have started a new job recently. I love my job. I love what I do. I love the people I get to meet, those I can help. I love knowing I can make a difference in someones life.

But Hubby has a different image in his head.

The other day he told me he doesn't like that I travel out to the local reservation. It bothers him. I understand his concern for my safety, and if that was all I felt it was I wouldn't let the flags fly.

For some reason, I think it's more. I have families all over the place. Some in town. Some in the next town, and yes some on the reservation. At this point, all of my families are fairly easy to work with and very receptive to having me around. This is really helping to build my confidence in what I'm doing.

Tonight when I mentioned something about one of my families, Hubby made a face. I wouldn't let that bother me, but it's not the first time he's done that.

I wonder what he thinks I do? Maybe he figures I'm helping families, but only certain "types" of families. Like the neighbour who is overwhelmed and just needs a little help for a while so they can get back on their feet. You know the type. The kind of family that 99% of the time functions well and is struggling with something situational and they just need a little boost.

Yes, I do get some of those. But very much like the foster care system and the families that need it, I also see the whole spectrum of families. I am seeing the foster children who are not adjusting to the home and need the support. I'm seeing the parents who do not fully understand what adequate supervision really means and how to provide it. I have not seen the families who have alcohol/drug issues at work yet, but I have seen those personally and I do know they exist here. I've seen homes that are maintained my a "neat freak" stay at home mother. I've seen homes that are barely liveable for lack of cleanliness, but the family manages and are not capable of/interested in change.

Don't get my wrong. I'm not really judging or labeling. I'm just painting a picture of what's out there. It's not my place to judge. My place is to help the families I work with find a way to keep their family functioning at a level they are okay with. Often it's about finding what the family wants to see in their lives, and helping them find a way to get there. It's that simple. If the family wants home economics and an overhaul of how the household is run, I am there to help with that. If they are okay with the way the household is running but have issues with family dynamics, I'm there for that. Some contracts I'm only there for transportation. Whatever the family needs, I'm there.

I just wish Hubby could see. Understand that not all families run with a spotless house, owning their own home, a big yard, a picket fence, and a dog. Not all families even want that. Many of them just want to survive day to day and get through it without fighting. Or without feeling like the worst parents in the whole world because they have to work so much they feel like they are missing out on their kids. And yes, many of my families are less privileged that Hubby's family was. Having "things" and money doesn't make people happy. For me, feeling like you can make a difference in at least one persons life. That makes me happy. For the next person, maybe it's getting through the day without the kids constantly fighting. Maybe it's seeing the kitchen clean. Or just getting some time for personal care knowing your children are taken care of while you take that time for yourself.

I love to see what little things can make such a difference in some peoples lives. It helps me realize that despite everything, I really am lucky.

I just wish Hubby could understand this. It's so much harder when I feel he doesn't support me in what I'm doing.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your job sounds wonderful and you sound like an awesome and caring person.
    1334 days ago
    1334 days ago
    :) Men show love and concern in different ways sometimes.

    Maybe you can take this as a chance to sneak in some excercise. Self defense courses or something together. Then he can see that you are capable of looking after yourself, spend time together, and burn calories.
    1335 days ago
    Good advice below. I wouldn't describe your husband's reactions as "red flags". Allow him the freedom of his opinions - which may differ from yours. He sees things from a different point of view - can you understand his perspective? Why don't you sit down and talk to him about it and find out what he is thinking, and tell him how you receive that - why it bothers you. The two of you ought to be able to talk about it.
    1335 days ago
  • JUSTME29
    I'm sure he realizes that not everyone has the "perfect" home and that's why he's concerned about you. He knows that there is a potential for physical danger, but he also knows there is potential for emotional danger. You are so kind and caring and giving that maybe he fears that you might be taken advantage of by less than scrupulous clients. Even more than that though, the lives of the clients will certainly touch and affect yours. Given your history of depression and the emotional roller coaster you were on much of the winter it's possible that he's simply concerned that being so close to these families may cause you to go to a dark place again.
    1335 days ago
    That is a tough situation!

    I don't have any advice really but I hope it gets better!!
    1335 days ago
    It sounds like you are helping a lot of people and families in need! Hope he grows to understand what you do and why you do it.
    1335 days ago
    I understand! I'm a special education teacher and I've seen the same look. I've been married for almost 20 years and we've gotten more of an understanding. Jobs like ours isn't one that you can just "leave at the office." There is always someone in your brain and you are always thinking of ways to help them. I get it, but husbands don't always understand.

    Don't take it personally. Husbands support in ways that they can. In reality men don't think the same way women do and don't feel the same way about things. Hang in there, I'm sure he's doing the best that he can!
    1335 days ago
    Your job sounds wonderful! Your hubby will eventually see that. Maybe he needs a date night with you?
    1335 days ago
    Your job sounds very rewarding and I admire you and those like you who do make a huge difference in family life for many. Hubby wiil be better once he gets used to the new job.
    1335 days ago
  • TERRY0217
    God bless you for what you do! Your hubby ismost likely, doesn't understand fully just what you do...he loves you and is just worried about your safety...
    I think, people watch so much ty with all the terrible news stories, they just imagine the worse, or, see it as the norm...and...alot of people can't understand the circumstnces of other peoples lives...Best of luck to you!
    1335 days ago
    Protective, loving husbands have a tough time with us independent women. Keep doing what you do. He loves you and will settle down.
    I'm praying for you and your hubby.
    1335 days ago
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1335 days ago
    Praying hubby gets on board for you are truly a gift to these people. emoticon
    I was once a Home Health nurse ... in a calmer day and time and even then, it was sometimes a dangerous job. But oh how rewarding! We learned how to keep ourselves safe ... just as I'm certain you do. We know the signs. We pay attention. You're a wise woman. Stay strong. You're doing a beautiful service for your community.

    What a blessing you are!! emoticon
    1335 days ago
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