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    KMRJPR   38,947
30,000-39,999 SparkPoints

Ugly Number...I own you

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Last night someone pointed out something very important for me....and that was I needed to own my weight. It's a number and it is what it is. I realized that I don't like acknowledging the number, don't like speaking about it, don't like seeing it on the scale and I certainly don't want to publish it anywhere. So by hiding from this number, I have failed to own it. I have done myself a HUGE disservice. Dr. Phil says (I'm paraphrasing) you cannot change what you do not own. Well...I own that number. I'm taking it's name and I'm kicking its butt. I had such an epiphany from that email, I'm still atwitter about it now. It's unbelievable how exhilarating it is to realize and accept the very thing your hiding from. Especially when that THING is what's keeping you stuck. By not owning up to it, I could continue to pretend it wasn't bad and that sure I'm 'chubby' but still ok. How could I be so blind to that?????

Today, I have logged in about 85% of my food. I have to try and calculate the remaining calories before I can enter, but I will. This is a first for me. Typically, I've been logging breakfast and maybe a snack here and there, sometimes a lunch. Today is the first day since joining in February that I've tracked nearly all food/water. By the end of the evening I will have it all entered.

And to keep on with all the good mentor is taking me on a business trip to a seminar where I can help out with the booth, help with the speech, network, attend seminars...all expenses paid. And my husband is going with. It's been a really great 48 hours and I'm continuing to hold on to these feelings because they will help me when it gets tough. And I know it will. But I also know, I've got this!

So here number, the number I hate and have tried to avoid for 6 months and speak about in hushed whispered voices. I am currently 237-239 pounds, fluctuating up and down about 2 points from day to day...most likely due to excess sodium. It's not so bad but it's not so good. Now it's out there and I can't take it back. And I don't want it back. Goodbye you ugly number. I don't like you and will no longer pretend you don't exist. I know you exist and I know I want you gone. I will never be this weight again.

Thanks Sheryl for your words yesterday!!! You know who you are!!!

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
TWNOMWE 6/6/2013 8:58PM

    Thanks for nice blog, Being honest with ourselves helps us to find solutions and goes for every thing in our lives. emoticon

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MARINEMAMA 6/1/2013 7:29AM

    Great job!

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AWESOMECHELZ 5/30/2013 7:51PM

    Your blog reminds me of me and my body image. I have a hard time looking in the mirror and saying "you are beautiful". Your blog reminds me that, to change my self image, I need to own who I am today. Thanks so much for your courage to share and the best to you with all your SP goals. emoticon emoticon
Love, Chelsea emoticon

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KMRJPR 5/30/2013 4:34PM

    Thank you ALL SO VERY MUCH!!!! You guys have made me cry (happy tears) and have made me feel so supported and I cannot thank you all enough!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LOSIN_IT4GOOD 5/30/2013 3:45PM

    Great way to start the team challenge!

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MUMMY22BOYS 5/30/2013 1:38PM

    Amazing!!! Owning it and being accountable with others makes you push that much harder!!!

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TROOPER1961 5/30/2013 1:03PM

    Kris words cannot express how VERY PROUD I am of you!! Now this is twice you have made me tear up!! Awesome blog coming from an incredible person who is so strong and will OWN this number!!! Look at how many other people you have motivated by your words!! You got this chickie!!! emoticon emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 5/30/2013 11:41AM

    Great job! And now you can work on the change you want to see happen.

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NUTRON3 5/30/2013 8:51AM

    I love it!

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    Oh boy do I understand keeping the number secret! For years the only people besides me who knew my true weight were my doctors. The day I joined SP I took the big plunge to tell someone, well two someones -- my sister and my daughter. I held my breath waiting to hear their horror at that awful number -- and neither one freaked out. Huh. Not what I expected. It was indeed freeing to just tell someone. I congratulate you for owning the number. Now that you own it you can get rid of it and get a new one.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BONNIEMARGAY 5/30/2013 5:07AM

    Thank you for your courage.

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RORYLYONS 5/30/2013 2:21AM


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SUSANBEAMON 5/30/2013 1:25AM

  not only that number, but i need to own my bad habits, my extra candy, my failure to move my big old body as much as it need to move. Forward, good habits, good foods, movement.

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KMRJPR 5/30/2013 12:13AM

    Thanks Snugglebites!

And PamW2013...that's exactly what happened to me last night. OWN it...then take charge and stop letting it run your world. That's my new attitude!!! emoticon

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SNUGGLEBITES 5/30/2013 12:10AM

    I applaud your bravery! good luck with your endeavors and I hope that you hold on to this attitude. emoticon

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PAMW2013 5/30/2013 12:08AM

  Wow! Wake up call for me. I loved your blog post. I have been in denial about my weight, I thought if no one knew what I weighed, including myself, I didn't have to face the fact I am considered morbidly obese. Your words were very motivating, I WILL OWN MY WEIGHT!!!

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