Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Last night someone pointed out something very important for me....and that was I needed to own my weight. It's a number and it is what it is. I realized that I don't like acknowledging the number, don't like speaking about it, don't like seeing it on the scale and I certainly don't want to publish it anywhere. So by hiding from this number, I have failed to own it. I have done myself a HUGE disservice. Dr. Phil says (I'm paraphrasing) you cannot change what you do not own. Well...I own that number. I'm taking it's name and I'm kicking its butt. I had such an epiphany from that email, I'm still atwitter about it now. It's unbelievable how exhilarating it is to realize and accept the very thing your hiding from. Especially when that THING is what's keeping you stuck. By not owning up to it, I could continue to pretend it wasn't bad and that sure I'm 'chubby' but still ok. How could I be so blind to that?????
Today, I have logged in about 85% of my food. I have to try and calculate the remaining calories before I can enter, but I will. This is a first for me. Typically, I've been logging breakfast and maybe a snack here and there, sometimes a lunch. Today is the first day since joining in February that I've tracked nearly all food/water. By the end of the evening I will have it all entered.
And to keep on with all the good things....my mentor is taking me on a business trip to a seminar where I can help out with the booth, help with the speech, network, attend seminars...all expenses paid. And my husband is going with. It's been a really great 48 hours and I'm continuing to hold on to these feelings because they will help me when it gets tough. And I know it will. But I also know, I've got this!
So here goes...my number, the number I hate and have tried to avoid for 6 months and speak about in hushed whispered voices. I am currently 237-239 pounds, fluctuating up and down about 2 points from day to day...most likely due to excess sodium. It's not so bad but it's not so good. Now it's out there and I can't take it back. And I don't want it back. Goodbye you ugly number. I don't like you and will no longer pretend you don't exist. I know you exist and I know I want you gone. I will never be this weight again.
Thanks Sheryl for your words yesterday!!! You know who you are!!!