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Home, Roxy And Unsolicited Advice...


Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Roxy and I took the red eye from San Diego to Philly last night/this morning. One of my managers went into the hospital with chest pain yesterday. She has heart issues - she is only 47!

Anyway, Roxy got tons of compliments at the airport. She is a very calm, well mannered dog. Several observers commented on her calmness. I told them she is exercised everyday. That is key. She is also well trained and knows I am the boss. I read Cesar Milan's book and watched his shows all the time when Roxy was young. I also went to one of his seminars. I implemented what I learned. Because of that, I enjoy taking her almost everywhere with me and am so proud of her.

So, it has been a very, very long day. I got a lot done at work and planned on spending the evening with my husband. That was foiled when the fire alarm went off at our business. So my husband is still there at 10 PM while whatever is broken gets fixed.

In the mean time, my mom called me to discuss their house hunting. My parents sold their house in Rehoboth a lot sooner than they thought they would and have no place up North to live. They stayed at my house last night with my husband. My dad proceeds to get on the phone and tell me he went through my pantry looking for coffee and inventoried the food in my pantry! He said 90% of the food is unhealthy and he would be fat of he lived here. Now, the ironic part is that he is VERY overweight! So, because of my 109 lb mom, his pantry is loaded with all fat free, etc stuff - but something is amiss if he is the heaviest by far out of all of us! Obviously, I didn't say that to him but it is true! He blamed my pantry on my son's bulemia and anorexia
and my son hasn't lived at home in 1 1/2 years! And I have been gone for 3 weeks and didn't even know what was in there!! I told him my husband can buy and eat what he wants in his own home. He said my husband will need to put a lock on his food if my son lives here! My dad doesn't understand that my son needs oil and regular foods - not fat free. Obviously, my husband is now furious and said my parents don't need to stay at our house. I am ticked too. We are both 50 years old - not 2!

Of course I went into the pantry to see what he is talking about. We have healthy cereals, oatmeals, protein powder, poptarts, teas, progressive soups, tons of tuns and salmon, fruit, nuts, pastas, beans, and dog food. 1 shelf has cake and brownie and baking stuff if I have company and one shelf has crackers, pretzels, chocolate covered pretzels, Doritos, popcorn and fig newtons. The nutritionist would be fine with my son eating the things in my pantry except the popcorn.

I am so annoyed right now I could scream!

Anyone else have a family member like that??

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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
KICKINGKILOS 6/2/2013 9:35AM

    Iam glad Roxy is huge hit :)
My dad has tooo been behaving awkwardly specially since the last couple of months. I feel worried and guilty--guilty as I have limited my talks with him. I miss the times I could talk to him easily!
I feel ya.

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KIMPY225 5/31/2013 3:57PM

    yay Philly - I live right by the city!

People always blame something or someone whenever they can - sorry about that!

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INFLATED 5/31/2013 2:38AM

    For me, it was my Mom and how I did my housekeeping. My sister is much better at keeping a clean house, but when Mom would come to visit, I would call my sister and tell her to get ready for a white glove inspection. Both of us would change the sheets on all of our beds, but when Mom arrived, she would pull the sheets off the beds and wash them and remake the beds.

I realized it was her and not me and let her work, lol.

Your Dad may be acting out because he has no control over the situation. When one of us got hurt, my Dad would just cuss and swear. He was angry because one of us was hurt and it was beyond his control. It scared me worse hearing him swear, than the actual injury did.

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KAREN_NY 5/30/2013 3:09PM

    I've watched my ex make observations to his grown daughters (my stepdaughters) about their pantries, homes, child-rearing habits, etc. Similar to the way his mother tried to do, I might add. I've decided that they do it as a way of inserting themselves into their lives, because they don't know how else to do it, especially when they don't see them often.
Their "contributions" get edgy because they are anxious about it in the first place. The irony is that it's all very alienating. When his mother died, the family gathered around to profess their love and mourning, but it was a love bourn out of duty, not affection. They all bonded over stories of what a pain she was. That's sad, because her former loving nature was lost to their memories. :(

Contrast this with my mom, who just likes to complain, and is more comfortable with others' failures than with their successes. sigh.

Bottom line - you know your pantry is fine, you know your son's (and dog's!) needs, and I hope you will find a way to let this be his problem, not yours.

How's that for more unsolicited advice? ;)

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CHERRY666 5/30/2013 12:05PM

    "He blamed my pantry on my son's bulemia and anorexia and my son hasn't lived at home in 1 1/2 years!"

That would make me SO angry! I can see why you feel like you could scream. He's sounds ignorant. (Why is it the people who are ignorant always seem to be the loudest and most insistent?) I agree with what another poster said about it sounding like he's grasping for straws -- looking for a simple answer to something he doesn't understand. Hopefully they find a new home soon!

*hug*

Edited to add: You know, my dad can be the same way (commenting on food like that), and funnily enough he's the heaviest out of all of us, too.


Comment edited on: 5/30/2013 12:06:30 PM

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IFDEEVARUNS2 5/30/2013 9:27AM

    I suspect most of us have a family member like that!
So glad you got compliments on Roxy - well earned, for sure.

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MAMMER3 5/30/2013 8:23AM

    I know how you feel, I am over 30 a married woman with 2 children and when I tell my mother I am going out with my friends she says and I quote. "Have fun dear just don't eat anything".

They will never change I realized its how you react to them and how you feel afterwards that you can control. Your pantry sounds amazing your son will thrive if he lives with you again and just let it roll off of you!!

Rock on!

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KRISZTA11 5/30/2013 8:01AM

    Oh dear, this is right what you didn't need to hear right now. I wish they would be more understanding and supportive!
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By the way, your pantry sounds just fine : )

My mom used to give similar "advice" when my daughter had eating problems ( I mean totally non-constructive, blame-placing and hurtful remarks that made no sense whatsoever + detailed inventory of how worried and stressed SHE was). Huh.
I was sorry to hurt her because she meant well, but I just couldn't take it, on top of the problems. So I told her that this is my daughter's problem in the first place (as an almost grown up herself) and my problem in the second place (as I'm living with her and facing the problem every day) and I don't want her "advice" and don't want to hear about her feelings. I kept saying this and finally the message went through.

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SCAREWALDORF 5/30/2013 4:34AM

    I think we all have family members like that. Your dad PROBABLY means well, but hasn't thought about the effect his words would have on you. I hope they find somewhere to live soon.



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IMREITE 5/30/2013 1:15AM

    my inlawas have allergies and digestive issues so i dont comment on food in their house. when we get ther i pack my own heallthy snacks. and i focus on eating slowly and enjoying what i eat instead of stressing about it.

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NEWKATHYNOW 5/29/2013 11:53PM

    Yep and I am certain they are allotted one per family! My late husband's daughter who is now in her early 30s is a wonderful, strong personality who is also very opinionated. As I told him once after a very disturbing conversation with her years ago on the phone - "I am the adult here and in charge of my own life." In her case she is a control freak.
Your Dad sounds like he's reaching for straws. He's looking for an easy answer to something that he apparently doesn't understand. For your sake I hope they find a house immediately! Real estate is definitely picking up in our area. One of my friends put their farm on the market and sold it the very next morning! I still can't believe that!
Hang in there and I'll keep you in my prayers! emoticon

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