Wednesday, May 29, 2013
I don't want to do this here, but I realized I don't really have someone I can vent to that's close by and that's just made me feel worse.
B and I have been fighting. A lot. It's affecting everything in my life and I don't want it to. I haven't been exercising of even taking as good of care of my furbaby and I should. The things we fight about are stupid, little things...not even worth the time to argue about, but argue we do.
I think I could handle it if that's all it was, but I feel like I'm riding the world's scariest roller coaster. There are good days in between all the fighting, where we enjoy building things or working on the new house. These days are great and mostly argument-free, but then there's days like today where the arguing doesn't stop.
His friends want to come visit this weekend and the house is in shambles. I want it to be nice for them, so last night we worked on priming one bedroom so it will look presentable. He basically wanted to give up and just stick a small rug on the floor, leaving out guests in a unfinished room. I told him I thought we could do better than that and we argued about priorities. He even made me detail out how many hours we had to get things done. I was just trying to be optimistic and wanted his friends to have a good experience...especially since they will be our first house guests. He stalked off to have a shower and then came back fighting more, having decided that now we should "be rude" and just take back the invitation. Things are harder because they're moving across the country in three weeks and this visit would be the last time we see them for a long time.
Since we invited them I didn't think it was right to take it back and there was more yelling and then I stalked off for a shower. I made a single comment to him after I got out and he blew up at me, saying I was always accusing him of doing something wrong and he left. I guess he couldn't stand me anymore so he got in the car and took off somewhere. Ugh...no one on Spark needs to hear this. I just don't know what to do.
I looked up a bunch of stuff online about why people fight and strategies to stop it. I sent it all to him and he fought with me about that even..saying it was obvious what our problem was from what I sent him, but making no effort to try and fix it. I'm just at my wits end fighting with him. I love the guy, but things are so rocky right now, I'm just having trouble seeing through all this. How will we ever find a resolution? I don't want to be fighting with him forever...