Wednesday, May 29, 2013
'It' has been my constant (and unwanted) companion for well over 15 years, 'It's tentacles entangled in every part of my life. In shrouded corners and the shadowy recesses of my mind 'It' lurks, whispering poison and tightly coiling my will into submission.
I'm not sure how 'It' got to be so strong. All I know is that one night, while lying awake in bed, owlishly staring into the darkness, it occurred to me that 'It' was no longer a vague notion drifting in the background - 'It' had become a real, malevolent presence that sabotaged everything I set out to do. Unconsciously I'd fed and given 'It' room to grow unhindered. The result is that, today, 'It' is as much a part of me as 'I' am.
Instant gratification, procrastination and introversion feel like insurmountable obstacles because I've indulged in them for too long. Spark is my attempt at sending 'It' back under the bed where monsters are meant to stay. It's going to be a long and difficult struggle because 'It' won't go quietly, but I like to think that I've grown enough of a backbone to stand up for myself.
By my 30th birthday I want to be in control of my actions. I'm not good at being positive or achieving long-term results, but I'm going to ignore 'It's influence as best I can until I am.
Here's to a battle well-fought and won.