I have been absent from Spark for far too long. I miss my spark friends and I apologize to you all for my not even popping in to read blogs. Here's what has happened since I was properly active on Spark.
Around November a few things happened, I no longer qualified for a benefit which was helping us keep our heads above the water financially speaking (they called us high earners, I really don't know how, but won't rant because I can't change it anyway) I'm a hard worker and I've always worked up until I had Amelia. We had always planned for me to say at home. I know some mums choose to go to work when they have preschool babies and children, but me and Matt had discussed it for a long time before Amelia was born and we decided that we wanted her to be with family. We also realized that if we paid childcare costs that I would be working for very little and said it was last resort. But when this benefit was taken away things got so tight and we're quite frugal people so there was little room to tweak budgets to free up cash. Matt managed to sort the gas/elec direct debit to be reduced a little and I found some online earning opportunities, I was skeptical at first but I have been doing ok with then and all I need is to use the PC for an hour or two a day, either when Amelia is napping or after she has gone to bed.It's not big money, £100-200 per month but it's enough to take the strain off us.
Around the same time, winter crept in and the winter blues began to take over. It's only in recent years I have realized that is what is happening. But November is the last month I remember feeling really good and despite the money troubles I still felt optimistic. As the nights drew in my mood lowered and I struggled with everything, if I hadn't had Amelia there would have been days where I wouldn't have got out of bed. I struggled to keep up with the housework, my activity on Spark decreased significantly, at one point I had 175 unread emails, none of that was spam. At the worst point I abandoned me. Just little things, plucking my eyebrows, putting make up on dressing nice, they all became a mountainous challenge. My weight slipped and the winter blues became a vicious circle that I didn't have the energy to get out of.
Then the nights began to get lighter I felt a little better and began to link up the winter to my feelings. I started to get into a bit of a routine a the beginning of May, I'm finding it easier to keep up with the housework and exercise is more of a routine. (I always exercise, that's the fundamental part of me, although it helps, it never prevents these lows) BUT a few days into may I went out for a long run, long runs had pretty much disappeared, and I most of my runs had been 30 mins so when I found a 40 min run unbelievably hard I just told myself to get on with it and it'll get easier when I've done it a few more times. It was only later on in the day that I realized it was strange for it to feel hard from the very beginning of the run. If I had a problem with the length of the run then I should feel tired going beyond the normal 30 mins right? By 8pm I knew what the problem was, I had a very nasty tummy bug and spent the first night being sick every 30-60 mins, I was feeling faint too. That bug took me the best part of 10 days to get to the point where going for a walk was an option, it left me feeling so weak. Two weeks after the bug I went for a 1.5 mile run, then a 2.5 mile run and tomorrow I'm hoping to get a full 3.5 miles in (my normal 30 min run)
So that's where I am and now I'm feeling better in lots of ways I am planning where I am going again. I am preparing myself as much as I can now for this winter as I plan my goals.
June Goals (I'll make a start today though)
Blog weekly minimum
track food 6 days week min
get a new and fresh workout routine that fits the way life is now
get back using weights for ST
get back running biking walking as much as before
continue to replace milk with soy (back to my pre pregnancy preferences)
work on my emotional health by reading and blogging
Keep earning as much as possible
weigh (when I'm ready, I'll blog about that soon)
run a half marathon in less than2hrs
get my 2nd dan in Tang Soo Do
avoid winter blues
review goals monthly
I always like to end my blogs on a positive and I think these goals are positive, I promise to be back on Spark reading blogs more - happy sparking