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i remembered myself today

Monday, May 27, 2013

I first want to say thanks to all who have shown concern about me the last few days.
My blogs might have concerned some of you, and if they did, then I guess I did what I set out to do.
Reach down into a dark place. To pour myself and my thoughts out onto paper. (so to speak).
We cant all always be cheery and happy and light as a feather.
Sometimes, we get our minds twisted about the foods we eat, for me, the issue is, I feel guilt over almost every food I eat, every drink I take, and no, I am not an alcoholic.
I hardly ever drink, thats why maybe when I do indulge in a few drinks, I have guilt.
My mind has forgotten how to get back to where I was when I was at my peak.
I went back and searched my food journals to see what I am doing differently now from then.
It is just a part of the sickness.
To be unable to eat normally and see that it is NORMAL.
There is a reason why most of us became overweight or have food issues, etc.
I never really thought of myself as an unhappy person and most of the time, I am not.
But yes, its true, even I get the blues sometimes, get moody, angry, hurt, overwhelmed, frustrated.
Just as my last blog stated, I cant always be the friend who makes everyone laugh or has the witty come back and the witty remarks.
Sometimes I am dark, and I need to get it out.
Put it down, to read it, to have others see...
We have pain.
We have to find out why, where it comes from, what makes it better, worse, etc.
But, dont be too worried about me, I am doing ok.
I sank into a dark place recently, relationships and stress and burdens I carry.
and I carry....on.
Today has been a better day. There was sunshine, and shopping and my friend RG asked me to send a pic and so I did the bathroom lighting I think.

Walked this morning, then got my shopping out of the way, had an ice cream cone and felt none of that pesky guilt.
Went to see the Hangover 3, and fyi, if you go, make sure to stay to the VERY end, credits rolling.....
I pushed the walk to 40 minutes today and the foot didnt bother me at all and felt good.
So, yes, on occasion, you might read a blog from me that makes you think, thats what writing is supposed to do.
Not everyday is filled with rainbows and lemon drops and butterfly kisses.
Some are filled with angst and anger and dread and guilt and too many thoughts.
But today wasnt.
Today was pretty in pink.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • CAROL_31649731
    Nice blog . . . I think I "get you" a little better now. You look nice in pink! Have a nice day. emoticon
    1732 days ago
    Guilt is a very poisonous, fattening emotion!
    I am happy to hear that you are feeling better now. Good for you for being open, honest and sharing.
    Bless you

    1733 days ago
    So glad to hear you are doing okay.

    Sending butterfly kisses emoticon
    1733 days ago
    I am also consumed with everything that I eat. I sometimes get exhausted stressing out over good choices vs. bad choices and so on. And I have to hang my head in shame and admit that I make bad choices more than I should. But, I have to just move on and give myself credit for the good choices. I hope you feel better soon, and just know we are all here for you emoticon
    1733 days ago
  • KARENE10
    "not everyday is filled with rainbows,lemon drops and butterfly kisses"~Isn't THAT the truth!!! emoticon on the 40 minute walk! Looking forward to seeing the Hangover 3. Glad that you had a pretty in pink day emoticon
    1733 days ago
    Yes, I agree depression comes in waves, but still...
    food, alcohol, walking, and even writing are all escape tactics. It will always be there until you go after the cause. I still think you should make an appointment today. Reading back through all your past blogs might convince you of the long-term pattern that I know you want to break free from.
    Best wishes for the rest of your journey... t.
    1733 days ago
  • SUNSET09
    My aunt sopke these words as well and they linger in my ear. Every day won't be peaches of cream however, it's all in out attitude. No ne can be happy everyday so we all have our moments and it's healthy. It's what makes us human. One day at a time, Sweet Jesus! That pink is pretty on you! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1733 days ago
  • ALICIA214

    I am happy that today was better for you, we all have our down days and it is very
    healthy to get all the darkness out into the open.
    You do look pretty in pink!!
    1733 days ago
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