I first want to say thanks to all who have shown concern about me the last few days.
My blogs might have concerned some of you, and if they did, then I guess I did what I set out to do.
Reach down into a dark place. To pour myself and my thoughts out onto paper. (so to speak).
We cant all always be cheery and happy and light as a feather.
Sometimes, we get our minds twisted about the foods we eat, for me, the issue is, I feel guilt over almost every food I eat, every drink I take, and no, I am not an alcoholic.
I hardly ever drink, thats why maybe when I do indulge in a few drinks, I have guilt.
My mind has forgotten how to get back to where I was when I was at my peak.
I went back and searched my food journals to see what I am doing differently now from then.
It is just a part of the sickness.
To be unable to eat normally and see that it is NORMAL.
There is a reason why most of us became overweight or have food issues, etc.
I never really thought of myself as an unhappy person and most of the time, I am not.
But yes, its true, even I get the blues sometimes, get moody, angry, hurt, overwhelmed, frustrated.
Just as my last blog stated, I cant always be the friend who makes everyone laugh or has the witty come back and the witty remarks.
Sometimes I am dark, and I need to get it out.
Put it down, to read it, to have others see...
We have pain.
We have to find out why, where it comes from, what makes it better, worse, etc.
But, dont be too worried about me, I am doing ok.
I sank into a dark place recently, relationships and stress and burdens I carry.
and I carry....on.
Today has been a better day. There was sunshine, and shopping and my friend RG asked me to send a pic and so I did the bathroom pic....best lighting I think.
Walked this morning, then got my shopping out of the way, had an ice cream cone and felt none of that pesky guilt.
Went to see the Hangover 3, and fyi, if you go, make sure to stay to the VERY end, credits rolling.....
I pushed the walk to 40 minutes today and the foot didnt bother me at all and felt good.
So, yes, on occasion, you might read a blog from me that makes you think, thats what writing is supposed to do.
Not everyday is filled with rainbows and lemon drops and butterfly kisses.
Some are filled with angst and anger and dread and guilt and too many thoughts.
But today wasnt.
Today was pretty in pink.