Monday, May 27, 2013
Have you ever heard the wonderful silence just before the dawn? Or the quiet and calm just as a storm ends? Or perhaps you know the silence when you haven't the answer to a question you've been asked, or the hush of a country road at night, or the expectant pause of a room full of people when someone is just about to speak, or, most beautiful of all, the moment after the door closes and you're alone in the whole house? Each one is different, you know, and all very beautiful if you listen carefully.”
― Norton Juster
There's been a quiet for days .I have been questioning myself , what is wrong with me that I can stay on track and exercise and not lose . and then binge and know Im binging and how bad I feel afterward and yet not stop it. I have been trying to analyze myself to really get to the bottom of it . I think sometimes my weight means more to someone else then to me. The encouragement when I do good and the reprimands when I do badly...but even the encouragement feels bad sometimes.The compliments feel bad . When your told your pretty but you don't feel pretty . Then when you feel the need to be perfect and it makes you just notice every one of your imperfections .
I never really notice things about other people . I remember one lady I worked with and she said something about how she had lost her teeth , I was shocked and never noticed ...Another time someone said to me about a girl I know . She would be really pretty if she didn't have that one droopy eye . I never noticed... My best friend says hes going bald , I look and I cant see it.Even though he repeatedly shows bends his head down and says LOOK !HERE !!.
I just wonder what would happen if nobody noticed my imperfections and just saw me .What would happen if I stopped looking at my own like I never look at other peoples. I don't know . I hope this quiet I feel inside right now will help me understand why I do what I do and feel what I feel, and to learn to see myself the way I see other people.