Sunday, May 26, 2013
As many of you know, Jack was given to me after my brother passed away merely 4 months after my sister was killed in a car accident. They were twins, but my brother made it to his 36th birthday. When he died I told a good friend that I felt like my childhood died. She said she had the perfect remedy and that remedy was Jack! He came to us with his favorite pillow that said "A House Is Not A Home Without A Dog". You can see it and him as the cutest puppy ever on my Spark Page! I didn't know it until now, how true that pillow was. Yes, was. Jack did his Doggie Destructo thing on it and ripped the stuffing out of it and then eventually wore out the "carcass" by dragging it around with him.
As I said before, the house is just too quiet. I miss the tick, tick, ticking of his toenails on the wood floors. I miss the unexpected barks that nearly gave me heart attacks, but were a sign that he heard something I didn't. Besides the name of "Compulsive Kisser" we also called him "Exuberant Greeter" b/c he greeted each guest with howls of delight and ways of urging them to touch him!
I just miss him. I miss him. then I want to call my mom, but can't because she is gone too. Then I want to call my dad but he still has trouble answering and talking on the phone. Each new loss I endure opens all the wounds of the previous losses. And it just hurts, hurts, hurts!
I'm making it. But, I swear I am tired of making it! I don't like crying myself to sleep every night! I don't like hearing my husband cry. I don't like hearing my dad cry. My cheeks are literally chapped from my own tears.
I really don't know how to do it any more. I know I'm not the only one who has multiple losses in her life. I know it. But, I often feel so alone in this grief.
I wanted to share a couple of quotes with everyone:
Dogs' lives are too short. Their only fault, really. ~Agnes Sligh Turnbull
I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren't certain we knew better. They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts appear to know about death. Being such wonderfully uncomplicated beings, they need us to do their worrying. ~George Bird Evans, Troubles with Bird Dogs
They really don't seem to know death. Jack still tried to be the same exuberant greeter and compulsive kisser at the end. I miss him and I think I always will. I'll love another dog, but he was the first that was ours and ours alone. I can still feel his head getting heavy in my arms. His love was so true and so uncomplicated. I want to live by his example, but at times I wish I could just slip into death like he did. But, I have my dad to care for and my husband to try and get fit!! That's a load of work! Miles to go before I'm done.... (Robert Frost)