As most of you know I have lost over 120 pounds. In Feb. 2011 I weighed 248 pounds. I was miserable, my knees hurt, were swollen and it hurt to walk. I was walking with a cane quite often. I have degenerative disc disease and my lower back was constant pain. It felt like someone was constantly twisting and wringing my back out like you would a washcloth. My Mom was always pointing out that it was because of my weight and how could I do that to myself. Lose weight Bonnie she would always say.
She was turning 85 that year on Feb. 6 and for her birthday I was taking her to Pennsylvania Dutch Country for her birthday in April. We went shopping sometime early Feb. for our trip. Nothing fit me right, I was miserable and wanted to go home before my 85 year old Mom did. That was the turning point. My Mom was in better shape than I was. She was just starting to use a cane, not all the time like I did though.
My BFF Gary is a tour director and he was going to be the director on the trip that I was taking my Mom on. He kept telling me start doing a lot of walking now or you will be sorry when we go to Pennsylvania. The trip is an awful lot of walking. He was at me to lose weight also.
I went to the Dr. and got a prescription for physical therapy. He prescribed both land and aquatic physical therapy. I started a diet. By the time we went on the trip I had lost over 30 pounds. I was able to do the walking on the trip. I am not saying that I wasn't in pain but not like I would have been. I continued on and by December I had lost a total of 60 pounds. Then I found SP, joined and really started to eat healthy. The rest is history. I lost the weight and reached my goal. I am now in maintenance.
To get to the purpose of this blog. At Christmas, my Mom stated that I had lost enough weight and I should stop. I was starting to look sick she said. I was about 5 or 6 pounds heavier than I am now. I wasn't even in the healthy BMI range.
I saw her at Easter time. First thing out of her mouth was I was talking to so and so and they wanted to know if you were sick because you look like death warmed over. You have lost too much weight. You should put some weight on. In one ear and out the other. I saw my Mom on Mother's Day. The size 8 skinny jeans that I had bought were not fitting me like they did, they were looser. My sister stopped by when she got home from camping the weekend and my Mom said look at your sister. Look how skinny she is. She lost more weight. My sister so good for her. My Mom said it is not good. She is too skinny. She is going to blow away. blah blah blah. When I talked to her the next day she said Kim asked her if I had cancer or something because I looked sick.
I checked my BMI and it is 23.9 which is at the high healthy range. I agree that I don't need to lose anymore weight and should maintain my weight but I don't think I look like I have cancer. Yes, my jeans are starting to get big, not big lose. Not even lose, just not tight.
I don't think she knows how this makes me feel. I was talking to Gary last night and made a comment about who cares or something to that effect. I may as well just eat what I want and how much I want because I am going to get criticism no matter what. I ate good yesterday but for some reason I was starving all day. I just could not get satisfied. I drank 12 glasses of water and was starving. I don't know what was up.
Thank God for Gary. Of course he got sarcastic and said go ahead. Get where you were and not be able to walk. Be in so much pain you cried sometimes. I haven't heard you complain about your back or knees in soooooo long and I use to constantly hear it. I know you are in pain now with the injury and being in physical therapy but that will pass. Why can't you just be happy with doing this for yourself. Value yourself enough to be happy in doing this for you. You are happier now than since I have known you. I don't want you losing anymore weight either. Tone up and maintain your weight. I think you are perfect just the way you are now. All I have to say is thank God for my best friend.
Now I think you can understand why I depend on my spark family so heavily. I understand that my Mom is doing it because she probably doesn't want me losing anymore weight and I know she doesn't know how her words make me feel. I just may have a conversation with her one day and let her know. I want to say
to all my spark friends for all the support and encouragement that they have given me over the past 18 months also. You are all