Tired of Waiting
Sunday, May 26, 2013
***DISCLAIMER: I don't need anyone telling me what motivations I might need, or what works for them, etc. As I write in this blog, should you make it to the end, I've found my motivation, which, in summary is this: I WANT TO LOOK REALLY FREAKING HOT NAKED.***
Does anyone else have this problem? The problem known as "Waiting" ... waiting for that perfect opportunity to start something, finish something, try something, give something up, or just waiting for someone else to come along to do that something with you so that you don't have to do it alone, etc? I'm sure someone else out there has this issue. But if I'm riding solo on this one, at least now I can say that I'm done waiting.
What had motivated me in my previous journey was a two-fold sick desire:
1) Be as hot as I can be to laugh in my ex-boyfriend's face
2) Be as hot as I can be so that said ex-boyfriend would want me again
Once my work really started paying off that switch gears to:
1) Be as hot as I can be so that EVERYTHING MALE will find me attractive
Then I got pneumonia and recovery from that was tough, shortly after that recovery, I broke my ankle, and to be totally honest, I've NEVER, EVER bounced back. In fact, I've fallen so far into my own version of "Hell" that I never thought I'd see a light at the end of the tunnel.
But I have. Thank God, because if it wouldn't have happened soon, I would haven't just given up completely. Oh wait, I already have.
So I've been trying to figure out what my "motivation" should be, and this list has been written in my head, albeit in a weird way, because it's like my mind is operating separately from my body (and THAT, as we all know, is a HUGE problem when it comes to weight loss):
2) You miss running & liftin
3) You miss looking sexy
4) You miss having fun shopping
5) You miss not feeling like a giant oaf near people
6) You miss not being ashamed of your nakedness
7) You miss feeling like a BAMF
Okay, seven items, and only ONE (albeit #1) has to do with health. So what does this tell me? I care about my health, obviously, but really, the reasons I want to lose weight are shallow, and surface, and I'M OKAY WITH THAT.
I've been waiting for something "new" to happen that would help me get started again, and the new job is here, so maybe I should buck it up and join one of the gyms in town. I never had a problem going by myself before, so why do I now? Probably because none of the gyms are newer with machines that have directions on them, and I don't want to look like an idiot by myself.
I'm just embarrassed. Completely. But that's changing. Today.