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The Real Reason I Can't Lose Weight

Sunday, May 26, 2013

So it has taken me a while, but I think I have finally stumbled upon the real reason or at least one of the primary reasons why I am unable to lose weight. I realize now that if I lose the weight then I lose this "shield" that I use to distance myself from people. That's the real reason. I have used my weight as a way of distancing myself from others and from pain. So if I were to lose the weight that would mean I would lose this protection I have put around myself. That would make me vulnerable to getting hurt.

That is really what it all comes down to. People talk about having weight loss surgery,but I would never have it because it's not my stomach that is broken, its my head! Now, if they invented a brain surgery that worked for weight loss and other issues I'd definitely sign up for that because that is the source of all of these issues.

I have used this quote in another blog before, but it applies here as well.
Meredith from Grey's Anatomy
"There's a reason I said I'd be happy alone. It wasn't 'cause I thought I'd be happy alone. It was because I thought if I loved someone and then it fell apart, I might not make it. It's easier to be alone, because what if you learn that you need love and you don't have it? What if you like it and lean on it? What if you shape your life around it and then it falls apart? Can you even survive that kind of pain? Losing love is like organ damage. It's like dying. The only difference is death ends. This? It could go on forever."

Here is another quote I love:
"Change isn't easy... changing the way you live means changing what you believe about life. That's hard... When we make our own misery, we sometimes cling to it even when we want so bad to change because the misery is something we know. The misery is comfortable."— Dean Koontz

You see it's not that we enjoy living this way. It just seems like the lesser of two evils. It is easier to live with a pain by choice than it is to open yourself up only to be crushed. I don't think there is a pain worse than loving wholeheartedly and then losing that love, whether it be a spouse, child, friend, or family. I just don't know if that is a pain I could survive.

So how do you let go of the walls you've built?
How do you jump knowing that the fall is gonna hurt like hell?

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thank you for all the wonderful support!

    1692 days ago
    You've hit the nail on the head, girl. My weight is (I'd like to say was...because I figured it out finally and am in the process of losing, but it still IS an issue) related to a sort of "I give up on myself because life has". Why try to be beautiful when you're not? Why try to be sexy when you're not? Why try to be healthy when you're doomed? Why why why why? I told myself these things all along. I know it's related to one person in particular having rejected me, but I woke up and realized that this is literally all about ME. Where the mind goes the body follows.

    You're awesome...keep up the great blog! Love reading it!
    1717 days ago
    You just need to learn to trust...yourself. Every time I have been at my worst (read my blogs to get a little insight to me if you like) I come out better on the other side! When you let down your shield there is a chance that you'll get hurt, but there is also a chance that you can become the whole person you deserve to be!

    Not everyone will let you down. I have people in my life that love me & that I love. I can't imagine life without that. Please take a chance.
    L emoticon
    1717 days ago
    Thanks for sharing. I believe you have reached a breakthrough moment. You have spoken (written) so eloquently what many are thinking and could not find the right words to express. Great job!
    1720 days ago
    Well said! emoticon
    1727 days ago
    " it's not my stomach that is broken, its my head!" This line caught my attention because I am so often thinking of the connection between whats in my head and whats in my heart. Getting those two things to be honest with each other is a real catalyst to get my feet moving in the right directions. Thoughts. Feelings. Actions. emoticon
    1727 days ago
    Sounds like you have found the missing link in your quest emoticon emoticon
    1727 days ago
    1727 days ago
    This a profound blog. You have made a major break through.
    1728 days ago
    Powerful insight you have into you eating behaviour. Just know that you are not alone in your struggles. Lots of us hide behind our weight!
    1728 days ago
    It's good that you gained this perspective. It can be easy to build walls or keep them up when things don't go so well or when there is pain. It is challenging to change mental roadblocks but keeping blogs and writing in a journal can help. One thing I remind myself of is that is may be hard to allow the walls to come down but there are so many reasons why it's worth knocking them down.

    You are doing excellent by sharing and be 100% honest. You are already on your way to good things! :)

    Good luck! You CAN do this!

    emoticon emoticon
    1728 days ago
    These are amazing quotes that are just perfect for explaining our psychology! Thank you for sharing these!
    1728 days ago
  • MARIANNE9855
    I think that's the best argument for going slowly- so you can adjust to giving up that shield- if you try to do it fast and things change too quickly for you emotionally- then you don't know what to do with yourself or the attention.
    I lost a lot of weight when I was in my 20s and all of a sudden I got more attention from men than I ever had in my life- I didn't know what to do with it and I admit I wanted to try it all!! Too much weight is a great way to let yourself go and pretend you don't care about yourself or what other people think-it also maintains the status quo so you don't have to address other things in your life that aren't working.
    Change is a process and we need to take the time to adjust and decide what we want.
    1728 days ago
  • MINEA999
    I know exactly what you're saying. This is a huge issue for me too. It's safer and easier to keep the wall up than to let it down and risk being hurt. But our journey has to deal with all of it. Above the neck and below. This is why this time around, I'm trying to deal with all my mental roadblock and food issues first and foremost and the exercise and nutrition follows. We have to do the mental aerobics upstairs as much as we have to do the physical aerobics for the downstairs!!! Stay strong!

    1728 days ago
  • RJBKY67
    1728 days ago
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