Sunday, May 26, 2013
What a long Winter it has been. I have gained back 10 lbs from my total loss. And it is a year from when I started on this website. I am discouraged.
But I know I need to keep trying and to keep going. Here is to today being a day of recommitment and dedication. It is amazing when I think back to last year and how excited I was to start and thinking, "I feel so great, I will never let this go again!" Well, I let it go :o/ And I am back to wondering if I can get it back. I have so much pain from the Fibro and from, honestly, probably all of this extra weight. I feel crushed.
Plus, I have to start getting in front of my eating habits. When I am stressed, bored, upset, anxious..I eat. And I eat..Alot. It's insane, really. I noticed that when I am anxious, how good it feels to eat something, how calming it is - and I know that I go to this method of soothing far more than I should. When I want to buy myself something "special" its edible, b/c of my guilt in buying myself *anything*..at least this way, I can hide the evidence. I figured that out when I was eating my Snickers bar yesterday before my husband picked me up from the store. Yes, picked me up from the store..I walked there, didn't have too heavy of stuff to carry back, but I asked him to come and get me anyway. I was bone-tired yesterday and convinced myself that I couldn't do it. I should have done it.
My son is 5 and has started to notice how much bigger I am than other mom's, I think. For awhile, he was obsessed with telling me that I was fat. He was never being mean-spirited about it..just so matter of fact. I still had to have a talk with him about how words hurt...even when they are true. It was humiliating and as I sit here typing that, I am asking myself what I am going to do about it.
I am going to start tracking my food again. I need to know how much I am putting into my body because by the end of the day, I don't know and I don't care anymore. I need to know and I need to care.
I am going to exercise on purpose again. No more walking just to get a large coffee with cream and sugar and convincing myself that it counts.
I need to cut back on Sugar (OMG) Yes, sugar. I consume an embarrassing amount of sugar. In my morning coffee and in all of the other junk I eat through-out the day.
Water. I need it. I do not drink any. That is right. None. Unless I am desperate and even then, it is a sip here and there. I need to drink more water.
I need to Dust Myself Off and Try, Try Again.