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1 month in: A day of self discovery.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Tis late Saturday/Early Sunday. It's a Saturday like many other Saturdays before it.

Earlier this week I decided that today was no holds barred cheat day. I can eat whatever the heck I want in whatever quantity I want and damn the scale, the tracking, the whatevers. The boyfriend is out of town so I can eat all the stuff he doesn't like. I have been looking forward to it.

I got up early, and had a bowl of cereal. Total permission to fill the bowl and not get out those measuring cups or anything. But I noticed I grabbed the little bowl I use when I measure my food. And I noticed I filled the bowl about as full as it looks after I measure the cereal. Hm, look at that. This measuring thing is catching on. Well, that's not really a big deal, I am pretty good with certain food items (cereal being one of them) so this really isn't so exciting.

It IS that exciting. I just didn't appreciate it at 8am this morning!

Next, I bounced out the door to take the cat to the vet. I didn't have coffee beforehand, so I stopped at Starbucks on the way home. I ordered a tall chai and a slice of that lemon poundcake I love so much. I don't remember savoring the chai, it was gone pretty fast. But I DO remember eating the poundcake. I was hyperaware of it. I kept waiting for each bite to be amazing and WOW THIS IS SO GOOD like I had remembered it was. It wasn't as good as I remembered it at all. The only part that was good was the top where all the frosting was. And now the frosting is so sweet that it wasn't really all that amazing.

Uh what? Did I just eat something, decide it didn't taste all that great, and that it isn't worth putting in my body anymore?! That's... new

Somewhere between getting in the car to take the cat to the vet and getting home from running some errands, I realized I had a migraine. I immediately blamed a lack of coffee and dehydration. I started chugging water immediately, took some Excedrin and rested for an hour or so. When I woke up I realized this was one of THOSE migraines, and no amount of water or caffeine were gonna make it go away. Today, Mother Nature was in control of the throbbing in my skull. I was gonna have to just tough it out.

I went for a mani/pedi, did a few more errands and then headed home. It was time to build the main course for today: Scratch made deep dish cheese pizza. I made the dough and set it aside to rise. Once it was in the pan for the second rising I started to shred the cheese and make the sauce. By now I'm hungry so I grabbed a tupperware of watermelon and got my snack on. I probably ate 1 cup of watermelon balls. As I was putting the watermelon away my brain said "Hey! You shouldn't do that! Even for fruit. Take a portion out of the tupperware next time!"

At this point, I can no longer deny it: SparkPeople has totally invaded my brain.

The pizza was a work of art. It was amazing. I intended to eat the whole thing. Ok well I can't actually eat a whole pizza, but I can usually eat half a pizza. I was almost full at 2 slices (8 slice pizza) but I went for the 3rd anyways. I wasn't uncomfortably full but a 10 minute break after 2 slices would have worked.

I was going to make frozen margaritas tonight. I bought my absolute favorite flavor of ice cream. I had food devouring plans here, people! I was on a mission!

Round about 10pm I decided I was bored and went out for a 3 mile walk. I do run pretty regularly between 9-10 at night so that isn't so unusual, but it is when I have a migraine. I so should have just slothed myself right into bed.


I am sure thousands of people have said it before, but I will say it now: This time, something IS different. I beat myself up for going over calories for the day or for not tracking precisely or whatever other stupid thing I come up with. And all the while I am focusing on the little things, there are BIG changes happening.

Aside from measuring my food and being more present when I eat, I joined the run club at my gym. I started going to the yoga class again. I'm trying to figure out how to fit other group fitness into my life. I'm actually looking for the support I need to be successful. I explained the importance of my gym days to my boyfriend and have rid myself of any guilt for going to the gym instead of spending time with him.

Wonder what the next month brings....
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  • REBECA13
    I am trying to loose weight need help to fat and furious
    1761 days ago
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